Sunday Salutations, y’all! How are you doing today, my friends? No Cinco de Mayo partying for this girl on Friday – I’m stone cold sober and proud of it! In fact, I’m planning a post about sobriety soon … it’s such a joy!
Today I’m not going to post my meals but wanted to share some thoughts (and some kitties) with you.
Confession: I’m struggling with *feeling full* after I eat. That sounds strange, but it’s true. After years of binging, purging, and restricting, my stomach just doesn’t know what to do with itself when I eat a meal or snack. The feeling is highly uncomfortable, and I admit that I get pretty moody when I’m feeling full – I feel bloated and highly unattractive.
Last night I was texting Luke, and I suddenly had this *snap* in my brain telling me that my dinner was going to make me gain weight. He allayed my fears and assured me that I wasn’t going to gain weight from having a little extra roast and beans. Thank goodness for my hubbers! I went to bed feeling gross, but I woke up this morning with renewed vigor about my eating habits and feel reassured about my positive choices.
I’m trying to eat smaller and more frequent meals with lots of protein to combat this feeling of being too full, and I think it’s helping. It’s interesting at best to have this struggle – for 17 long years, I just didn’t keep anything in my stomach, and now that I am, my poor system doesn’t understand what’s happening to it (TMI, my farts are pretty stinky … just keepin’ it real here … I plan to do a post dedicated to my digestive system soon, poop and all). I know that it’s natural to feel full after eating (duh, when you put something into your body, it’s going to naturally expand and gain a little weight), and I hope to acclimate to the sensation. It’s just currently a battle between my mind and my stomach. My stomach *knows* what it needs and how to act, but my mind tells me otherwise … my mind can be such a liar!
Despite struggling with feeling full, I’m committed to staying healthy and to keep up what I’ve been doing. I’ve come SO FAR, y’all, and I don’t want to sabotage myself in any way. But it’s HARD AF.
This morning Calliope was comfortable on top of our paper towels, yet again.