Alcoholic Musings + Pork Tenderloin

Howdy there! How are you today? πŸ™‚

I’m in the mood to reminisce about my alcoholic days and recovery. My memory does not serve me well with them (as I was trashed all the time), but Luke reassures me that I was a drunken, bruised mess. I believe him 100% – I remember just drinking and drinking like a fish to knock out the pain of life. I remember driving while I’d been drinking, I vaguely remember sitting in the bathtub and cutting myself accidentally with my razor as I shaved my legs, I remember the haze, I’d see the horrific bruises in the morning, I remember vomiting up alcohol. It was a terrible way to live.

Now, however, I’m so much happier than I’ve ever been without the crutch of alcohol. I do not drink one bit. I feel a billion times better, and my mood is stable to boot. I do not miss those alcoholic days, y’all. I lose precious time and memories by being an alcoholic, and I do not want to miss out on life because of a terrible intoxicant. I look forward to my days ahead with an open and happy heart, and I know that the Universe has many good things in store for me in the future, sans alcohol.

Do I miss drinking? Truth be told, I sometimes get a hair up my ass and think “wouldn’t it be nice to have a drink?” but those moments are few and far between. It’s just part of recovery, I think, and I immediately counteract those little thoughts by reminding myself of how shitty I feel when I imbibe, and that stops me in my tracks. Overall, I do not miss it.

Was recovery easy? For me, it was pretty simple, if I’m being honest. I thought it would be harder than it was. I’m not saying that it’s not rough or simple for many people. Alcohol is a hellish mistress. But on January 1st of this year, I ultimately go fed up with how I felt with the panic attacks, odd eye movements, and terrible sleep, and I just stopped drinking. I tried AA meetings and had a stint in an Alcohol Recovery Center, but none of those things helped me stop drinking (in fact, I’d go to my meetings with alcohol in my system). My self-realization and resolution was the key, and every night I pray to the Universe to thank it for helping me not drink and to continue to not drink. My prayers help me.

I am a recovering alcoholic and will always be one. I am not ashamed. It’s simply part of my journey here on earth. I’m 135 days sober today … here’s to years more!

Now onto my favorite part of the post – the healthy eats!

I’ve been doing very well in the eating disorder department, y’all. No binging, purging, or restricting. I truly want to be a healthier, happier person. I’m thrilled with my progress, and it’s a very *different* type of feeling to be satisfied and full. My digestive system is still trying to sort itself out though … I’ll do a post dedicated to pooping and regularity very soon, methinks (TMI? Oh well, it’s important to ED recovery, so I’ll definitely not be shy about going there). I’m eating smaller portions and more meals throughout the course of the day, and it seems to be working out well for me. πŸ™‚

This morning around 8, I had a big ol’ grapefruit sprinkled with some salt and a strawberry Brown Cow yogurt with raspberries and a drizzle of honey. To drink, I had coffee with stevia and half and half, and as usual, my grody-looking Green Vibrance and OJ concoction.

I also put that pork tenderloin in the crock pot this morning to let it cook, cook, cook for 7 hours.

Around 11, I was feeling peckish, so I had a banana with peanut butter and honey with some hot mint green tea.

I whipped up a new dressing from Averie Cooks this morning too. I’ve toyed with the idea of making my own salad dressings before (as you know, I’m a dressing/dipping connoisseur), and I had all of the ingredients to make this one, so I gave it a try!

Isn’t it pretty? I love the herbs and spices, so for lunch, I had a spinach salad with that tasty dressing – I obviously made a bed of spinach and added carrot, broccoli, tomato, and leftover BBQ chicken.

I ate all of the chicken, tomatoes, and broccoli, but I called it a day after a few bites of spinach and carrot. My banana had filled me up.

Around 2:30, I was munchy, so I had a Pink Lady with cinnamon …

… and some deer sausage with a slice of Provolone and BBQ. In hindsight, the deer sausage was probably not the best thing to eat as it gave me a wee bit of a tummy ache, but I dealt with it.

Despite my tummy ache, Luke and I went to the gym around 3:30, did arms, and ran a few errands. Back in time to Luke and I went to the gym around 3:30, did arms, and ran a few errands. (We stopped at the Pak-a-Sak and bought some gummy candy, which I’ve been craving like crazy!) Luckily, we were back to the apartment in the nick of time to trim kitty nails! (Needless to say, the cats didn’t appreciate that very much.)A handful of post-workout gummies were consumed, and I must say that I was utterly filled up by them. I didn’t have dinner until much later than usual, which is fine by me. You gotta live a little sometimes, am I right?

I made a glaze for the pork tenderloin, sauteed some broccoli, squash, and zucchini, and dinner was served around 7:30.

The pork tenderloin was a MASSIVE hit with Luke – it was falling apart and juicy! Delicious. If you like pork tenderloin, try that recipe I linked! πŸ™‚

I admit that I ate a little too much today. I became uncomfortably full after dinner, so I plan on going lighter on my snacking tomorrow.

Alrighty, I’m off to clean up the kitchen, take a hot bath, and enjoy the TV!

xoxo

 

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