Anxiety Attack I + A Blast from the Past

I had an anxiety attack today, y’all. One where my eyes get out of whack. So gather ye ’round and let me tell you my tale:

I woke up feeling a bit too anxious, but I thought I’d be okay to drive to the gym. This was the wrong idea. I got to the gym, did 5 minutes of cardio on the elliptical, and then I had to carefully drive back home because I was on the verge of an anxiety attack. I made it home and promptly blew the fuck up in the parking lot! My attack lasted about an hour and a half before I calmed down. I logged it in my mood journal, managed to drink some hot green tea, and tried not to wake my sleeping husband (I woke him up for a minute, but he promptly went back to sleep, so I’m glad I didn’t disturb him too much).

For me, a serious anxiety attack entails excessive hyperventilating (I often walk around with my mouth wide open, just trying to breathe), messed up eyesight, racing thoughts, a wee bit of psychotic thinking, the sense of being un-grounded … it’s like being trapped in a weird psycho-world until it subsides.

I’m going to call my doctor tomorrow and see if I can’t get an appointment to talk to him about my anxiety meds. I’m on Gabapentin, but I think it causes my eyes to get out of whack, so I’m not sure if it’s the best med for me. I wonder if he’d prescribe me something just for emergencies or something like that … I’m just not sure what he can really do for me in this situation, but it’s worth a phone call.

Now onto the eats! I’m proud to tell you that I’ve been doing SO MUCH BETTER regarding feeling too full. I’m not struggling as much with it. I think I’m just acclimating to the sensation still.

Around 9:30 (before my massive panic attack), I made a nice smoothie (the color looks ugly in the picture, but it was quite tasty!). My blend was a banana, some raspberries, some strawberries, spinach, almond milk and OJ, and a scoop of Protein One vanilla. Granola as a topper!

Around 1 o’clock, I went in search of food in the fridge, but we were VERY LOW on interesting eats (Luke and I made a trip to the store afterward), so I settled on a Chobani Flip yogurt in Peanut Caramel Satisfaction with some raspberries, and a plain rice cake with peanut butter and honey.

I thought I looked cute in the car on the way to get groceries, so I snapped a rare selfie (my lips look odd, but whatev). I just adore my sunglasses, y’all – they’re from Diff Eyewear. I’d love to snap up another pair sometime!

Around 4:30, I indulged in a cute lil’ honey crisp apple with cinnamon. Random fact about me: I love apples but DESPISE apple juice. Something about it is just utterly gross to me – it stems from a childhood dislike.

I fixed some BBQ bacon chicken for dinner – it’s so easy! Just cut up a chicken breast, season with salt and pepper, drizzle with BBQ sauce, top it with some sliced bacon, bake it for 30 minutes at 400 degrees … when its done, you top it with some shredded cheddar cheese and let it melt in the warm oven, and voila! Nothing too inventive, but it sure is tasty. Ranch-Parmesan broccoli on the side with some Fiesta Ranch dressing drizzled over the top. Delish!

Around 7, I was feeling munchy, so I had yet another rice cake with peanut butter, honey, and some granola. I also had a bite of Lindt 70% dark chocolate … YUM! (Forgive my ugly-ass nails.)

I was going through old pictures on my phone and found these three “gems” from the past – I remember taking these three pictures around the time that I weighed 109 lbs (June/July of last year) …. I’m reflecting pretty heavily on how far I’ve come since taking those pics. I’m no longer drinking, I look so much healthier, and I’m feeling a BAZILLION times better. My stomach no longer pooches out, my face looks healthier, my boobs have returned, and I’m not so stinkin’ bony.

A Blast from the Past, I tell ya! I’m so glad that I don’t look like that anymore. πŸ™‚

Well, that’s a wrap for today … here’s hoping for an anxiety-less day tomorrow!

~ Mandy

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