I’m weathering a bipolar low today, y’all. It sucks ass. More on that below.
My kitties were out terrorizing the apartment – Calliope felt especially gleeful and was scratching away at Ye Olde Scratching Post. Drogo was digesting under his log (he’s getting so stinkin’ big!).
I was a bit groggy upon waking up so I quickly consumed two cups of coffee along with my mango-OJ and Green Vibrance. Gabapentin and Buspar on the side.
I didn’t want anything too filling this morning, so I scrambled two eggs in coconut oil with S+P, cut up a few strawberries, and toasted two pieces of Nature’s Own Honey Wheat with a scrape of butter and some Smucker’s Fruit and Honey Strawberry Jam. I haven’t had eggs for a while, so this was a nice change from my smoothies and oatmeal.
After breakfast, I hitched up the cats and had them pull me to the gym in a sleigh (haha, only in my dreams can I make the kitties pull me!). I did the elliptical for an hour and walked on the treadmill a bit. I just love how I feel when I get on that elliptical, y’all. It’s so easy on my damn knees (I have osteoarthritis), and it just puts a spring in my step everyday. A doctor once told me that I need about 60 minutes of exercise a day, and I do believe him. I’m so much better mentally when I exercise … it keeps the bipolar disorder and anxiety at bay!
I munch-crunch-crunched on an Ambrosia apple with cinnamon after my workout.
I nuked some chicken and veggies for lunch. Nothing earth-shattering here, just leftover broccoli, squash, sweet potato, and mushrooms with a drizzle of Sesame Ginger Sauce and BBQ baked chicken. It was mighty tasty for leftovers though! 🙂
My mood took a turn for the worse after lunch. I became withdrawn, grumpy, and depressed, and wondered why I had even bothered to do my hair, put on clothes, and put on makeup today (always a sign that I’m low). I cried a little bit as I made dinner for Luke.
Bipolar is hard in that I often don’t understand why I’m feeling what I’m feeling other than the fact that it’s what my mind tells me to feel (if that even makes sense). My mind decides “you’re happy” or “you’re suddenly down and depressed” or “you’re MANIC” without rhyme or reason, and it’s frustrating to not have a real cause to be moody. I’ve noticed that I’m more likely to be down in the afternoons, not the evening or morning, for some inexplicable reason, so I have to watch out around 1-3.
Luke thought I was aggravated at him today because of my shitty mood, and although I immediately told him I was just being bipolar, I felt terrible that he thought I was angry with him. He understands as best he can, and thankfully intense moodiness like today doesn’t happen often, but when it happens, I simply can’t control it.
I needed a snack around 4 o’clock, so I had some cucumbers and carrots with S+P and hummus. … and because I was feeling depressed, I had some jelly beans (I was immediately second-guessing my choices after eating them, but there you have it.)
I had a simple banana smoothie with some granola for dinner. My mix was a banana, some Protein One powder, almond-coconut milk, a dash of vanilla, cinnamon, and ice.
To be honest, I don’t feel like writing much more tonight … here’s to a better tomorrow, my friends.
EDIT: By the time I had written this post, I was utterly exhausted, both mentally and physically. You can tell by how my writing kind of tapers off after lunch. This was a rough post to toil through, y’all. I sometimes question why I even bother to blog, but I know I’m healthier for it, even if the going gets rough sometimes. 🙂