On Relapse and Getting Back on Track

Howdy all. If you’ve been reading my blog, you may have noticed that I deleted all of my old posts. I need to start fresh, and I’ll explain why:

It turns out that I relapsed back with the anorexia. I’ve told ya that this eating disorder shit is very difficult and serious. This is me at 5’10” and 115 lbs. I look scrawny, fragile, frail, and exhausted. I want to change this immediately.

Now I’m back at blogging, and I want to start working out again and *try* to battle this eating disorder and get healthier mentally and physically. I’m a little too loopy from a pain med today (more on this below) to go to the gym, so Luke and I made a pact to go tomorrow. 🙂

Physically, I’ve been having stomach troubles. I’m not sure if it’s related to the anorexia or not, but last night around 9:30, I had to make a trip to the ER because the pain was so terrible.

Me with the good ol’ barf bag (thankfully I didn’t have to use it). They gave me some Benadryl, morphine, a med for nausea, a hydrocodone,  and a gross concoction of a stomach relaxer which I had to swallow (yuck). I was sent home with prescriptions for pain and stomach relaxation.

The general consensus among my EMT-trained husband and the ER doctor is that I have gastritis or a stomach ulcer, and I’m seeing my primary care doctor on Tuesday to see what he has to say – he may refer me to my gastroenterologist for an endoscopy (which I sincerely hope doesn’t turn into a colonoscopy too because the prep for that is just miserable).

Mentally, I was extremely rapid cycling with my bipolar in July and into mid-August – like, every few minutes, I’d change from being depressed to manic. It was TERRIBLE. After several crazy visits to my psychiatrist and an *interesting* incident, I’m on a new medication. I’m erring on the side of low and anxious right now, but it’s better than being rapid cycling.

As for the blog, I’m not sure where I’ll head with it – some days I might post my eats or about my workouts or just random thoughts. I want this place to be a safe spot to write and share anything that my heart desires.

Til tomorrow …

~ Mandy

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