Faint on a Friday

Howdy, howdy, howdy, and Happy Friday! How are you doing today? I apologize for being MIA for two days, but I’m happy to report that my anxiety is down, and I’m doing much better in the mood department.

Breakfast – 10:15 a.m.

I wasn’t too hungry for breakfast, so I had a banana with PB, hemp seeds, and chia seeds. This morning I was in a bit of gastrointestinal distress, so I tried to keep things simple, hoping my system would clear up a bit.

Lunch – 12:30 p.m.

I roasted some BBQ chicken, green beans, Brussels sprouts, poblano pepper, carrots, and cauliflower in the oven for 30 minutes. I drizzled some bleu cheese vinaigrette over the veggies. This was a damn good lunch, and I hoped that it would help settle my tummy.

Workout – there wasn’t one due to my gastrointestinal shit (haha) happening today, so that’s that. Oh well. There’s always tomorrow.

Snack – 3:30 p.m.

I was feeling a little peckish, so I cut up a small mango and sprinkled it with Tajin seasoning. Yummy!

Snack – 4:00 p.m.

Still feeling a bit hungry, I had some deer sausage with Gouda cheese and crackers with hot pepper raspberry preserves. I didn’t eat all of the deer sausage, I basically ate the crackers, the cheese, and about 5 bites of deer.

Cocktail Hour – 5:00 p.m.

After my snack, I realized that I wasn’t feeling too well – my head ached and my tummy was unhappy. I decided to try a kombucha to see if it would help settle my stomach.

After drinking my kombucha, I suddenly became very very nauseous and made a beeline for the kitchen sink to vomit … I woke up on the kitchen floor. I fainted, y’all, and I had a bump on my head and was shaking and very cold.

Dinner – 6:30 p.m.

Not feeling great, I wanted something light for dinner, so I opted for some soup and crackers. I tried a Well Yes! soup in Hearty Lentil with Vegetables. It needed a bit of salt, but overall, it was tasty. Several saltines were consumed as well but weren’t pic-worthy.

I took a hot bath and some ibuprofen after my soup and immediately felt better.

Now I’m sipping on water and watching Expedition Unknown, nursing the bump on my head, and browsing the Internet. 🙂

Hope you had a less-faint-y day that I did!

~ Mandy

Anxiety and Depression

Howdy, howdy! How are you doing today?

Shhh! Don’t disturb a sleeping man and his cat! Luke sleeps in much later than me due to his job keeping him up until midnight (and then he stays up even after that). I’m always up between 7:30 – 8:00 a.m. and he’s up around 12:30 p.m. or 1 … it’s a weird schedule for us, but it’ll be changing now that my man is planning on heading back to school next semester to become a Physician’s Assistant.

Breakfast – 9:40 a.m.

While Luke slept, I made my usual egg white + 1 egg mix with S+P today along with three slices of maple bacon and 1 turkey sauce patty. Coffee to drink. I should really mix up my breakfasts, so I’ll think of something else to do tomorrow.

Lunch – 12:40 p.m.

I roasted some carrots, sweet potatoes, Brussels sprouts, and red bell pepper and drizzled on some Toasted Sesame Ginger Dressing. Boar’s Head turkey with BBQ on the side.

I became VERY anxious around 2:30 … I’m nervous about something that’s having to happen on Thursday, but I can’t go into details. Let’s just say that I’m very thankful for my Klonopin and my Gabapentin at this time. Anxiety is rough af, y’all.

Snack – 4:00 p.m.

My snack today was some raw baby carrots and broccoli sprinkled with seasoning and in hummus.

I also ate a Kaiser roll with jam and butter out of anxiety, a decision which I immediately regretted, but what was done was done. I basically ruined my dinner because I ate it.

Cocktail Hour – 6:00 p.m.

I had a Hibiscus Ginger Kombucha for my mocktail this evening. My anxiety had settled into depression at this point.

Dinner – I skipped it

I was just too full from my Kaiser roll and too depressed to eat anything. I know this isn’t ideal, but hey, it’s the reality of living with depression and anxiety.

Here’s hoping that tomorrow is a bright day.

~ Mandy

U-Haulin’ on a Cold Day

Howdy there! How are you doing today? We were u-haulin’ today, let me tell you what, and it was FRIGID and WINDY out. We went from being in the 80’s here to a blustery 50 with 35 mph cold-ass wind.

I’m doing better than yesterday, I’m happy to report. Yesterday was pure hell, and I’m glad it’s over – I had an especially rough night last night. All I can say is that I’m very thankful for my husband, my mom, and my sister … they were all trying to help me out, and help they did. They spoke words which really resonated with me, and for that, I’m so very grateful.

We had a cat in a box this morning! Silly Calliope. 😉

Breakfast – 10:30 a.m.

Breakfast was a little later than usual because I had to shower and get ready for my counseling appointment, but I managed to get my shit together and made some egg whites, bacon, and turkey sausage.

Snack – 12:30 p.m.

After bundling up and returning from counseling, I wasn’t quite hungry for lunch but wanted a quick snack, so I had some carrots and hummus (I also had a piece or two of un-pictured broccoli).

Lunch – 1:10 p.m.

I roasted some Brussels sprouts, carrots, and sweet potato and topped them with some Boar’s Head shaved turkey, Boar’s Head Gouda, and some BBQ sauce. YUM!

This afternoon, we did not workout because we *finally* acquired a U-Haul and coordinated times to move some cars around … Luke’s 4-Runner needs a new engine, and we found one, but it’s in an un-drivable car, so we have two haul the two cars to the shop.

Cocktail Hour – 5:00 p.m.

I wanted my kombucha a little early today while Luke and his friend Marc loaded the 4-Runner onto the trailer with the help of another friend and his FJ.After getting Luke’s truck onto the trailer around 5:00, we waited for Marc to do some stuff and then come back to help us. We were finally on our way around 7:30, and we got the truck delivered! Unfortunately we couldn’t deliver the other truck because it’s in half a piece, and we need a tow truck. Boo.

Dinner – 9:00 p.m.

We ate at Raising Canes for dinner …. I don’t remember what Luke ordered for me, but it was a shit ton of food. I felt like I ate a brick afterward. No pic!

Hope you’ve had as productive of a day as we have!

~ Mandy

A Terrible Hot Fall Day

Today was not a good day mood-wise for me. My moods were swinging like a maniac – I was happy this morning, but after lunch, my mood look a terrible turn for the worse. I cried in bed, I cried sitting in front of the TV, I cried in the bathtub, I just cried and cried., and when I wasn’t crying, I was just sitting around with a giant frown on my face and a furrow in my brow.

We went to the gym to do weights, but naturally, I started crying for no real reason at all. Luke was also having a rough day; our workout lasted just 30 minutes, mainly due to my crying and low energy and both of our bad moods.

It was just a terrible hot fall day.

Having a bipolar low is like having a deep dark cloud inside of your head, a black cloud with rain and thunder and lightening bolts. It sucks the life, the energy out of you. Your heart feels heavy, like a giant burden in your chest. Your brain simply tells you to be sad/low without much or any rhyme or reason. You sometimes contemplate ending it all, suicide. You sometimes just cry for hours. You sometimes just sit in your comfortable chair for hours, covered in blankets with a mug of tea, trying to wait it out (that’s what I’m trying to do today).

On a positive note, I *am* happy to report that I’ve been having less eating disordered thoughts (i.e. constantly calling myself a fat pig and thinking I’m fat and need to lose weight) and am focusing more on health and fitness when it comes to keeping my eats in mind. It’s important to fuel my body so I can get my gains, y’all! I’m still pretty thin (I’m at 121.4 lbs this morning, but I’m comfortable at this weight right now). I’m working on it, and that’s what’s important. It’s a long, slow process, but I’ll get there with hard work and mindfulness. I just take it day by day, just as I do with my bipolar disorder.

Breakfast- 9:15 a.m.

I wanted oatmeal for breakfast, but I decided on eggs instead for some unknown reason. I scrambled 3 eggs (we were out of egg whites) and heated up 2 turkey sausage patties for breakfast. Salsa added as usual. I was HUNGRY upon waking up, so I needed something fast and quick. This hit the spot and kept me full until lunch.

Then I ran to the store and grabbed some essentials – TP, paper towels, milk, cereal, coffee, Febreeze, you name it, I got it. It was quite the bill, unfortunately, but we needed stuff. I also went to see my mom who’s going to be gone to Seattle for a week and to get the lowdown on what I need to do at her house while she’s away. Mom gave me a ton of food to eat up too as this is a rather impromptu trip, and she just went to the store.

Lunch – 1:00 p.m.

I did my usual veggie roast with some Brussels sprouts, red bell pepper, carrots, cherry tomatoes, and some sweet potato. I topped the veg with Toasted Sesame Ginger Sauce and some Boar’s Head shaved turkey.

Snack- 3:40 p.m.

At this point in the day, I dejectedly threw together some carrots and cucumber in a hummus container and ate it with hot tears falling down my face.

Cocktail Hour -6:00 p.m.

I’d calmed down significantly around “mocktail” hour. My brain was still sending me signals to be low, but my heart had lifted out of my stomach, and I was feeling a bit more positive overall. I had my usual Trilogy kombucha.

Dinner – 7:00 p.m.

I roasted some BBQ chicken for dinner with some red onion, broccoli, and yellow squash (drizzled with Toasted Sesame Ginger Sauce at the end). Easy peasy, just throw it all in the oven.

I also had four Belgian Chocolate Thins, courtesy of my mom:

Here’s hoping that tomorrow is a better, brighter day in the mood department for me!

~ Mandy

 

 

A Lazy Day

Howdy, howdy! It’s a beautiful day out here in the Texas Panhandle!

Breakfast – I skipped it. Not on purpose, but I was busy this morning and not hungry at all. No, not really a healthy way to start the day, but I had tons of get up and go, and I had a few errands to run. Much coffee was consumed, however. To be honest, I think I was a wee bit manic. Just something that happens when you’re bipolar, y’all. I managed to settle down around 11, which is good.

Lunch – 12:10 p.m.

My guts were *not* having it today, so much Pepto was consumed – I had diarrhea and gut pain. I decided to keep lunch simple by roasting some red bell pepper, broccoli, and carrots (veggies were truly the only thing that sounded reasonably good to me) and topping them with some Toasted Sesame Ginger Sauce. I also had a turkey and provolone cheese roll up.

Snack – 2:00 p.m.

Since I skipped breakfast and had a meager lunch, I wanted a snack by 2, so I had an Envy apple with peanut butter and cinnamon. Moroccan Mint Green Tea to sip.

Today we did not work out, and I’m thankful – I’m afraid I might have had an accident of the gastrointestinal kind!

Cocktail Hour – 4:00 p.m.

I wanted my kombucha a little earlier than usual as I hoped it might settle down my digestive system.

Dinner – 6:00 p.m.

We decided to mix it up and go to Fuddruckers for hamburgers and onion rings. I wasn’t sure how my tummy would handle this, but as I type this, I am okay thus far. We both got buffalo burgers with Swiss cheese, mushrooms, and onions and topped with tomato and lettuce and ketchup. So delicious yet messy!! 🙂 The onion rings were fabulous as usual, and we still can’t decide if we like the jalapeno cheddar or the fry sauce the best for them.

We truly had a lazy day here – we were hoping to pick up a U-Haul trailer or find someone with a trailer so we can haul Luke’s 4-Runner and another car to the shop, but today we had no luck. Oh well, there’s always Monday for us (Luke’s off on Monday) or next Saturday.

Now I’m watching Ghost Adventures (ugh) on Travel Channel – I wish they’d show re-runs of The Dead Files instead!

Hope you had a nice day!

~ Mandy

 

Ultrasounds + Moods + Alcoholics and Kombucha

Howdy there! How are you today?

I got up bright and early for my ultrasound, and the results should be in by Monday, so that’s positive. My weight is down to 119 lbs today for some reason (despite eating candy due to emotional eating out of nervousness for my ultrasound), but I’m not too concerned – I’m sure it’s just a natural fluctuation because I was fasting last night and this morning.

Breakfast – 10:00 a.m.

I bought two ultimate breakfast tacos from Rosa’s Cafe and scarfed them down – I was starving after fasting! They were delicious. I also bought a chocolate mocha coffee from Roasters, our local coffee shop, and it was *divine.*

Lunch – 1:15 p.m.

I wasn’t terribly hungry after my giant breakfast, so I made my favorite veggies, roasted carrots and Brussels sprouts with Toasted Sesame Ginger Sauce, and had a turkey and provolone cheese roll-up.

Workout – 2:00 p.m. – 2:30 p.m.

My mood took a negative turn and I started crying around 2:00 … just a bipolar mood from being an empath. Luke and I went to the gym for just 30 minutes before I just couldn’t do it anymore.

At least we *went* and I tried my hardest for 30 minutes. That’s what counts, y’all. TRYING.

What *did* brighten my day and my mood was receiving this adorable shirt in the mail from Free People – it’s the We The Free Good Find Top, and man, it IS truly a good find! I also got two other items, but they are going back because they just didn’t live up to my expectations. This shirt, however, is PERFECTION. It’s comfortable, flow-y, trendy, and fun, perfect for the fall and winter … I LOVE IT! I may even buy another one with my refund money.

Snack – 4:00 p.m.

For my snack today, I had a few carrots (and some un-pictured broccoli) with hummus. Moroccan Mint Green Tea to drink.

Cocktail Hour – 6:00 p.m.

Tonight I had a Trilogy Kombucha …

On Kombucha and Being a Former Alcoholic

I had a conversation with my sister about kombucha, and she was worried because I was drinking it with my past as an alcoholic. I’m going to bring this up with my doctor next time I see him because I do not want to be harming myself in any way, but for the record, kombucha has a 0.5% – 1% naturally occurring alcohol content because of its fermentation. That’s just a little less than a non-alcoholic beer such as O’Doul’s.

I do not drink kombucha to get drunk, obviously, but I do drink it because of the health benefits, especially the healthy gut support, and because of the taste. Drinking even a little bit of alcohol at this point makes me feel very sick (see the time I made bread pudding, accidentally didn’t cook all of the alcohol out of the Kraken I used, and made myself extremely sick from eating it), and that’s the last thing I want to do to myself. But my sister made a good point – I need to ask Dr. Keister next time I see him about it, just to be sure, but I’m honestly not too concerned about my little mocktail of kombucha each night. I’ll wait to see the results of the ultrasound and go from there.

Dinner – 7:00 p.m.

Tonight I made BBQ chicken breast and veggies (cauliflower, carrots, and red bell pepper served with some Toasted Sesame Ginger Sauce). Easy peasy.

Now I’m sipping on my kombucha and watching TLC’s Kindred Spirits. Hope you had a good day. Mine was so-so mood-wise, but that’s okay … some days are better than others.

~ Mandy

Question: Do you have an opinion on alcoholics and kombucha? Yay or nay?

Snick-Snacking

Howdy, howdy! How are you doing today? It’s rainy and cool out, bleh!

I’m up another pound and am currently at 122.6 lbs. Not to shabby, if I do say so myself. Hopefully it’s muscle or food/water weight and not fat … I still have a hangup about gaining fat and not muscle, but that’s a discussion for another time. But no worries – it’s just my mind battling me, and I’m looking so much healthier than I was at 110 lbs, and I’m proud of the steps I’m taking to get fit again.

The bed this morning was overrun with grooming kitties!
Breakfast – 10:00 a.m.

I had pumpkin oatmeal for breakfast, but I switched my mix up a bit – I added hemp seeds and cottage cheese to it (we’re out of bananas, so I had to get creative). Other than that, this was my usual 1/2 C of Quaker Oats, milk, chia seeds, vanilla, salt, nutmeg, and cinnamon with a stir of pumpkin at the end of cooking. Peanut butter to top, coffee to drink! (I didn’t eat my entire portion, just enough to feel full which was about 3/4.)

Lunch – 12:45 p.m.

Lunch was what I usually have for breakfast except amplified. I wilted a large handful of spinach and then added egg whites + 1 regular egg and S+P to the spinach to cook. Shredded cheddar was added at the end. I had my usual three strips of bacon and 1 turkey sausage patty with my eggs.

Workout – 1:30 p.m. – 2:30 p.m.

We did legs today, nothing too special … it was raining HARD once we were done, so we sprinted to the car!

Snack – 2:45 p.m.

I was craving protein like crazy after the gym, so I nuked some turkey and provolone cheese and scarfed my concoction down with plenty of water.

Persephone was snuggled up next to a pair of Luke’s pants on the couch and looked very pleased with herself.

Snack – 4:00 p.m.

I was feelin’ snacky again around 4, so I had a Siggi’s Mixed Berry Yogurt with raspberries and honey. I kinda snick-snacked my way through the evening instead of having a proper dinner.

Cocktail Hour – 5:00 p.m.

I tried Humm mango passion fruit kombucha this evening, and I really enjoyed the flavor! YUM! 😉

Dinner – 7:00 p.m.

I wasn’t too hungry after my large snacks this afternoon, so I kept dinner simple and just roasted some Brussels sprouts and carrots and tossed them with Toasted Sesame Ginger Sauce. At this point, I was drinking a TON of water in preparation for my midnight to morning fast for my ultrasound, so my stomach was quite full.

Now I’m watching Mysteries at the Museum (yay Halloween edition!) and sipping on water with thoughts of making some green tea. The cats are asleep in a line on the couch, most thrilled with themselves.

Here’s hoping my ultrasound goes well tomorrow! Fingers crossed!

~ Mandy