A Revival of Sorts

Well hello there! I do apologize for being MIA for the past few weeks – I haven’t been well mentally from having almost daily anxiety attacks which tend to last from 3 to 5 hours at a time.

In fact, I ruined our 6th anniversary … well, “ruined” isn’t perhaps the proper term, but I saw Dr. Jenkins on Friday the 20th, our anniversary date, and he switched me to Klonopin that very day … by the afternoon, I was high as a kite and slurring on my newfound Klonopin, and Luke quickly vetoed the idea of going out for sushi, as we had originally planned, because I was utterly out of it. Instead, we both thought it best to keep me in the apartment, and Luke ordered us Pizza Hut instead. Yes, we did hit up Fuddruckers the next day for a good bison burger, but I felt I basically ruined our anniversary, so boo. I’m lucky to have a man who loves me despite my struggles!

The switch to Klonopin has wrecked havoc on my sleep schedule to boot, but we’re keeping our fingers crossed that the med change will help my anxiety attacks. I literally have been waking up at 4:30 a.m. for my pill, so I’ve been attempting to make adjustments to the times I take my Klonopin. Right now I take it right when I get up and then around 6 in the evening. Jenkins will hopefully get me on a new sleeping medication tomorrow (he was out today).

Moving on – I’d like to have a “revival” of sorts with this blog since I’ve been away for so long. I’d like to keep moving forward with my health and my fitness as best I can – i.e. taking pictures of my meals and logging my exercise. I’ve gotten lax about my eating (I’m still around 135-137 lbs in spite of myself), and I haven’t felt like hitting the gym much recently either. I’d like to delve back into cutting, y’all, and doing weights often. My success story *definitely* looks like the diagram below, and I’ve been stuck in a loop and am ready to break free:I’d like to accomplish my goals, and I feel like blogging helps me keep my day straight (plus, let’s be honest, it’s a fun activity), so here we go!


This morning I made my version of steak and eggs – I baked some marinated deer tenderloin with a bit of BBQ sauce and topped it with two fried eggs. Mixed fruit on the side, coffee to drink. This breakfast was VERY filling, probably due to all of the protein. ๐Ÿ™‚

After breakfast, I developed a nasty headache – I think it’s due to not sleeping well at all (I woke up again at 4:45). I took some ibuprofen and hoped for the best.

I kinda slunk around after that, trying to get rid of my headache. I rested my eyes and eventually took a shower (no makeup today or hair curling today, I just did a braid/bun).


I wanted a salad for lunch, so I roasted some broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots and placed them on a bed of spinach. I added some Boar’s Head ham and mozzarella cheese with jalapeno ranch. Easy peasy lunch.

Snack #1

Around 2, I had a small honeycrisp apple with Tajin …


Today was leg day, and man oh man, my quads were on FIRE! I left the gym winded and wobbly. ๐Ÿ˜‰ (Please forgive my no make up and crappy hair look, I just wasn’t feeling makeup today after my horrid sleep.) I lifted 260 lbs on the quad press, so I was pretty impressed with myself (usually I’m at 240).
Let me tell y’all, I felt AMAZING after working out, despite being wobbly and tired. It was wonderful getting a workout in. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’ve missed it for the past week or so of not feeling well mentally, and I plan to really get back into it!

After our workout, I picked my car up from getting an oil change and inspection, and I CLEANED THAT SUCKER OUT and took it through a car wash. It was filthy!

Snack #2

Around 5, I needed a little something-something in my tummy, so I had some cucumber, cauliflower, and tomatoes with hummus and a bit of jalapeno ranch.

I also had a kombucha around 6.


I made stuffed bell peppers earlier this week, so I had one for dinner tonight with extra salsa. Very tasty! I impressed myself. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Alrighty, that’s what I got for tonight! Hope to see you soon!

~ Mandy ๐Ÿ™‚



A Weight-y Issue

Howdy there! Long time, no post – I’ve been pretty scattered mentally lately, but I’d like to get back on track today. I’ve been a touch low and struggling with depression on most days, but I’m feeling a little better today, so I’ll try my hand at blogging.

I’d like to talk a little bit about coming to terms with my weight. I currently weigh about 138 lbs (according to the doctor’s office), and it’s not an easy number to come to terms with when I’m used to weighing 110-125 lbs.

Why is it so hard, I ask? I don’t know! I’ve gained a ton of muscle weight, and my muscle is dense, so of course it’s going to weigh more. It’s all MENTAL – my brain says that a higher weight = fat, but that’s simply not true. A higher weight can also = MUSCLE, and that’s what’s going on with me. Everyone who knows me says I look better than I have in my entire life, so I must be doing something right!

Plus I *know* that I’m not defined by a number anymore – it’s a rough cycle to break, but I’m slowly breaking it. Luke keeps our scale in his safe, so I can’t obsess about it like I used to, and I’m grateful that he put it away. I used to be disgustingly proud of my low weight, but now I’m PROUD of my 138 lbs because it means I’ve been working hard at weightlifting, eating well, and not giving into ED behaviors.

This morning Calliope was enjoying some vigorous scratches from Luke as he woke up for school.


I fried two eggs in Pam and nuked three slices of bacon and covered the eggs inย  enchilada sauce and chilies. Blueberries (sans sugar) on the side. Coffee to drink.


I roasted some Brussels sprouts, carrots, and broccoli with jalapeno ranch, balsamic, and hummus for lunch. Easy peasy.


Luke and I did arms today at the gym for about 45 minutes, and although I didn’t have him snap a pic, he did snap some of my arms to show his friend (I’m very vein-y). Proof that I did, in fact, work out today! ๐Ÿ™‚


My first snack today was a 100 calorie protein yogurt with blueberries.

After Luke headed to work for the evening, I had a new-to-me kombucha from Natural Grocers …

… the verdict? VERY GOOD! I like this brand very much. ๐Ÿ˜‰

The kitties decided that it would be a good time to nap this afternoon too! I wish I could nap – I’ve never been much of a napper, so I’m jealous of them!

I also had a taste of Boar’s Head ham and American cheese with some honey mustard.


I roasted a nice big ol’ spaghetti squash, took a portion, and I sauteed it with spinach, mozzarella cheese, Classico vodka sauce, and topped it with half of a chicken breast and two pieces of crumbled bacon.

This picture isn’t very pretty, but damn, this was tasty!

Admittedly, blogging made me *feel better* by the end of the day. I think I’ll try to do it more often, although I know I’m not the most exciting read out there.

Until soon,

~ Mandy

In a Ho-Hum Mood

Howdy there! How are you doing today? My mood was rather blah today. I don’t know what was up – I had a restless sleep last night and woke up several times. The weather was cold too, and I know for a fact that my mood is affected by the weather. I do so much better on warm, sunny days, not so much on cooler ones. I can’t tell if I was a touch depressed or just simply ho-hum about life today … Luke said I wasn’t acting depressed, so I’m thinking I was just being BLAH. My mood did take a dip towards depression by evening, which is not great news. But nothing terrible happened in the bipolar department today.


To be honest, I wasn’t too hungry for breakfast this morning. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I don’t know what was up, but I delayed it for as long as I could. I just ended up eating an Icelandic Skyr yogurt with half a banana. I love this yogurt (cheese? I learned on Bizarre Foods that skyr is technically a cheese because I’m a massive food geek), it has 15 grams of protein in a serving, which is amazing!


Still feeling a bit blah and unimaginative, I made a completely uninspired lunch – I roasted some broccoli, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, asparagus, and carrot with Lawry’s Seasoning, and I topped them with some jalapeno ranch and hummus.

This meal was meatless, but that’s okay – it was very filling to me. Sometimes I just gotta get my veggies in.

After lunch, Luke and I loaded up his truck with items to store in my mom’s attic, and we drove to my mom’s house to unload. Then we ran by Natural Grocers to meet Luke’s friend, Marc, and I wanted to check out some cacao powder for my coffee in the morning.

Here’s what I bought:


I had the rest of my banana with some PB and cinnamon.

Luke and Caprica were chilling this afternoon …

… and Calliope was resting on the Xbox while Persephone was rolling on the floor, wanting attention.


Despite my so-so mood, Luke and I did chest day – we worked out for about 40 minutes, and I impressed myself by doing 50 lbs on the chest press (I usually am at 40 lbs).

Post-Workout Snack

I wasn’t starving after working out, but I needed a little something-something to tide me over until dinner, so I cut up 1/2 of a cucumber, added salt, and placed it in some hummus with jalapeno ranch. Easy peasy.

I didn’t eat very much hummus or ranch on these – I served myself waaay to much ranch, but that’s okay, I’ll save it for another day.


Luke was craving a steak today, but we decided to save money and go with hamburgers instead.

I started my dinner off at 6:30 with a portion of bagged Country Ranch salad from United … I just love bagged salads because they’re so easy!

By hamburger time at 7, however, my mood had dipped into a depression, and I began thinking about not having a hamburger to punish myself for a minor indiscretion pointed out by my husband (and why I became depressed). Restrictive thinking at it’s finest, y’all … whenever I feel that I’ve done something wrong, I immediately go down that route.

I eventually decided to eat my hamburger and topped it with American cheese, tomato, avocado, pickles, and BBQ sauce.

I also had a kombucha as an after dinner drink.

Alrighty, that’s my spiel for today. Tonight I’m working on self-care and self-preservation from this depression, which sucks, but it must be done. I have a feeling I’ll be going to bed early tonight.

Hope you’ve had a good day,

~ Mandy

Hello Facebook + Adventures in Dietary Cutting 3

Guten Tag, y’all! How are you guys doing today? ๐Ÿ˜‰

I linked my blog to Facebook today … I don’t know how well it will be received by my friends and family, but I want to share my story, and share I will! If people don’t like my posts, they can just ignore them. ๐Ÿ˜‰

I’m still on my cutting diet today, obviously, but I’m trying to branch out and eat a different variety of food instead of sticking to the same ol’ thing. I do like my eggs for breakfast though, so I doubt that’ll change anytime soon … I did buy some yogurt today, so I might try that for breakfast one morning to see if I like it.

Mood Update: I’m as stable as I could hope to be today, no depression and very minimal “zippy-ness” from the bipolar. I did become very tired around 5 o’clock for some reason, not depressed or anything like that, just tired after my workout. More on that below.

Disordered Eating Update: Y’all. MY BINGE AND PURGE URGES ARE COMPLETELY GONE. This is BEYOND thrilling! I’m doing so well with eating decent meals and not throwing up or restricting, and it’s delightful. I feel STRONGER than I ever have in my entire life.

I found this quotation on Facebook, and I just love it:

Yes, I have returned to myself after nearly 18 years of hell and am discovering myself in full bloom. ๐Ÿ™‚


I needed a little something-something before my main breakfast around 6:30 a.m., so I had 1/2 C of cottage cheese with about 1/2 C of strawberries and a drizzle of honey.

Then I promptly went back to sleep for an hour! Wow, I never do that.

Around 9, I had an egg with salsa and two turkey sausage patties.

After running a few errands, I made lunch … I went to the store and acquired chicken breasts, so I was happy!


I roasted Brussels sprouts, carrots, broccoli, and cauliflower with a little Lawry’s Seasoning and then I added the 5 oz of chicken with about a tbsp of BBQ sauce and baked it for 30 minutes. I added about a tbsp of ranch on the veg and enjoyed! (The chicken is hidden in the veggies in this pic!)

This was a higher calorie meal for me, but that’s okay. ๐Ÿ™‚ It was very filling and tasty.

After eating lunch, I made Luke some deer enchiladas for his meals at work this week – it’s such an easy recipe, and I used some of Luke’s dad’s enchilada sauce and spices.


Luke and I did legs today for about 40 minutes … man, my legs were like JELLO after our workout. I was EXHAUSTED from it!

Post-Workout Snack

My snack today was pretty simple -half of a cucumber, a small carrot, and two slices of deer sausage with Whataburger jalapeno ranch dressing. YUM!

Luke had cereal and milk for his post-workout snack, and Caprica was on hand to help him finish it!

I also made some Yogi Tea Green Tea Blueberry Slim Life and put it in my Yeti with some stevia. Very tasty tea! I highly recommend it – it’s new to me, and it’s a delight.


At 6 p.m. I simply wasn’t hungry, and that’s my typical dinner time. I think my snack held me over well. I spent my time instead sipping tea, cleaning up the apartment, and taking pictures of my sleepy kitt lits:

Eventually, around 6:45, I decided that a little salad sounded good.

I roasted a small yellow squash and a few asparagus spears, and once they were done, I heated up a small portion of the deer enchiladas and placed them on a bed of mixed greens with my roasted veg. I topped the veggies with a small smattering of jalapeno ranch and a little light sour cream and salsa for the enchiladas. I ended up eating dinner around 7.

I gotta say, those deer enchiladas turned out SO DAMN WELL – they’re spicy but not too hot, meaty, and are delicious with a little sour cream. I’m proud of myself. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Now I’m off to vacuum the apartment and then to take a hot bath and chillax a bit. I *really* need to get back on that damn stair master … we shall see if I have it in me to do so tomorrow! Lifting weights is my favorite thing, but I need to get in some cardio that tones my butt and calves.

So here we go, Facebook World … if you’re new to my blog, hello! I hope you’ve enjoyed it.

Hope you’ve had a great day!

~ Mandy





Decorating + Spring Cleaning + A Crazy Good Workout

HELLO there! How are you doing today?! Luke and I have been spring cleaning our apartment like crazy this weekend – seriously, we have so much stuff to store in my mom’s attic now! We’re going to decorate a little bit more too – that’s my favorite part of this endeavor.

I’m also back at my cutting diet – I had an indulgent weekend, so I need to get back on track.


Breakfast was 2 eggs with turkey sausage and strawberries. Easy peasy. Coffee to drink!

After breakfast, I hit up TJ Maxx and Ross Dress for Less for a few decorative items.

I’d like to add some flowers or floral wreaths to these decorative items to liven things up, so I’ll hit Hobby Lobby another day. ๐Ÿ™‚

Ok, this is where my day gets a touch dicey – I fell into a deep bipolar depression around 12:00, so I didn’t take a picture of my lunch (I was in bed for about an hour and just couldn’t shake the depression). I’ll share what I ate anyway through words, not pictures.


I had 1 C of broccoli, 1 C of carrots, and 1 C of cauliflower roasted and topped with a small drizzle of ranch dressing along with about 1/2 C of cottage cheese, raspberries, and a drizzle of honey. Another easy peasy meal.

Depressed and moody, I made hot mint green tea to drink around 1:45.


Around 3, I had a sliced carrot with hummus, salsa, and some light ranch.

I received two packages from Free People in the mail soon after my snack, and I gleefully opened them and tried on my goodies – one top was far too large, so I’m sending it back, but the little dress was AMAZING!

I’m going to order it in another color because I love it so much AND it’s a great sale price – it’s a little short for a windy day (I live in the windiest city in the USA, damn it!), but it covers my bum, and I can wear shorts or leggings underneath it. I’m wearing an XS, and I’d say that this runs a little big, so petites will be sized out, boo!


Luke and I went to the gym and did arms for an hour, from about 4 to 5 p.m. I look constipated in all of the pics he took of me since I’m working hard, but I’ll share a few:

Hot damn, I had a GREAT pump after this workout and my mood changed to a more positive one! ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m going to make it a point to do the dreaded stair master tomorrow and see if I can’t get my calves and my booty in better shape.

Post Workout Snack

I needed some PROTEIN after getting my pump on, so I had some Boar’s Head ham and American cheese with some honey mustard sauce for dipping. YUM! Perfect post-workout snack, if you ask me. I ate this around 5.

I also made Ginger Tea and put it in my Wonder Woman Yeti … I drink a lot of water and tea throughout the day, and ginger tea was delicious! I’d like to make my own ginger tea – Luke’s father showed me how to process fresh ginger into a potent beverage, and I need to make it here at home.

Wow, my arms and shoulders look AWESOME in this picture … I’m looking the best I’ve ever had.


I roasted my portioned out cauliflower, broccoli, and carrots yet again (1 C each) and tossed in a few cherry tomatoes. I drizzled them with some ranch.

While my veggies roasted, I broke out my usual kombucha around 6:35.

I also had some deer sausage with honey mustard and BBQ for dipping. Easy peasy.

All in all, I had a pretty good day despite the depressive episode. I was very “high” after lifting weights and could barely type anything out because I had such a big pump going, which is always good.

Tonight Luke let me order three sale items from Free People – the Jane Printed Romper in black, the Cross Your Heart Muscle in Gray, and the Sweet Trip Smocked Tube Top in Wisteria. I hope these all fit well, and I’ll review them on here once I get them. ๐Ÿ™‚

I also cleaned out my underwear and workout clothes drawers like a maniac – it feels SO GOOD to have things organized and de-cluttered. Huzzah!

Alrighty, that’s my spiel for today. It got a little long-winded, but hey, that’s just me.

Hope you’ve had a lovely day!

~ Mandy

Getting Warmer Out = A Happy Mandy + Adventures in Cutting 2

Howdy, howdy there! How are you doing today? Mood-wise, I’ve been doing SO WELL, and it’s been AMAZING. ๐Ÿ™‚ I don’t want to jinx myself, but I’m thrilled that the weather is getting warmer. Warmer weather always equates to better moods with me. Speaking of moods, tomorrow is World Bipolar Day, and I’m writing a post to commemorate it … stay tuned!

Onto my eats for the day! I’m still in my cutting-phase, so you’ll see lots of protein today. I must say that I’m really enjoying logging my food into my Lose It app. I love seeing the breakdown of what I’m eating daily!


I woke up very groggy – I needed extra coffee to jump-start my day! I had a repeat of yesterday’s breakfast – three eggs and two pieces of turkey sausage with Pace salsa and chilies.

Total Protein: 31 grams

Total Calories: 356


I headed to the gym as usual and did my 30 minutes on the elliptical and 15 minutes walking at 4.0 mph. All in all, a good workout! Then I came back and took a much needed shower! Luke and I took a rest day from weights as he was tired from school and had to work a long shift tonight.

I put on some normal clothes today, huzzah! ๐Ÿ™‚ My top/dress/Dolman/whatever-you-wanna-call-it is Anthropologie, and it’s PERFECT for 60 degree days like today. I also felt festive and put on some lipstick. ๐Ÿ˜‰ I felt very cute!


I roasted Brussels sprouts, broccoli, carrots, and red bell pepper with S+P and garlic powder for lunch … I let them roast for a bit before I added 6 oz of chicken to the mix with some BBQ sauce. I topped the veggies with some hummus and salsa!

Total Protein: 63.4 grams

Total Calories: 572

This lunch was incredibly filling and DELISH! ๐Ÿ™‚


I had 10 pretzel pieces as a snack today along with a diet Coke. This wasn’t really a cutting-friendly snack, but hey, I wanted something crunchy and salty, and this fit the bill.

Protein: 2 grams

Calories: 110

I also had a 7 oz. opal apple with Tajin, yummy! Again, not exactly cutting-friendly because of the sugar, but it’s a healthy snack, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Protein: 0.5 grams

Calories: 103

The kitt lits were sound asleep after Luke headed to work … Calliope was asleep on the TV while Persephone and Caprica made themselves comfy on the bed.


Dinner tonight was a reprise of lunch – we’re low on proteins, so BBQ chicken it was again! I baked 6 oz of chicken breast with BBQ sauce as well as some Brussels sprouts, broccoli, and carrots. Then I placed a small amount of herb-y lettuce salad on the bottom of my bowl (it was the last little bit I had in my container) and added my chicken and veg. I topped them with some salsa and a teeny, tiny squirt of honey mustard sauce, just to feel a little naughty. Sometimes one just has to be a little naughty. ๐Ÿ˜‰ No worries, I logged it in my Lose It app.

Total Protein: 61.3 grams

Total Calories: 486

Total Protein for the Day: 158.1 grams

Total Calories for the Day (not taking into account those lost via exercise): 1,627

I think I’m doing well! I’ve really upped my protein game … I should count my other macros, but I think sticking to protein is good for now. ๐Ÿ™‚

Hope you had a lovely day! I sure did!

~ Mandy

Adventures in Dietary Cutting

Hello, hello! How are you doing today?

I’m starting my cutting diet today – that means tons of protein (about 150+ grams a day), no sugar, few carbs and fats. This will only last about a week or two, so no worries as I’m only looking to get down about 5 lbs of fat. I’m using the Lose It! App to track my protein intake, not really calories so much, but it’s fun to see, and it’s SO cool to see what I’m eating broken down into parts! Let’s see how I did today, shall we? ๐Ÿ˜‰


I had three eggs with S+P, enchilada sauce, and chilies along with two turkey sausage patties … here’s the breakdown (I’m not counting the enchilada sauce or the chilies … there’s no need to be obsessive, and they’re not too many calories anyway):

– 3 eggs: 216 calories, 18 g protein

– 2 turkey sausage patties: 130 calories, 13 g protein

Total Protein: 31 grams, Total Calories: 346

Coffee with stevia and cashew milk to drink here, nothing new. I actually bought a new type of salted caramel creamer and tried it yesterday, but it was waaaay too sweet for me, so I’ll just give it to Luke. I’m set in my ways when it comes to cashew milk and stevia in my coffee, I suppose.

Workout #1

After breakfast, I headed to the gym and did the elliptical for 30 minutes and walked briskly for 15 minutes. I had a great little workout! ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m so happy that I’ve decided to incorporate cardio into my daily routine as I think it truly does help with my bipolar disorder. Starting my day off with exercise does wonders for me, and my mood was very stable today.


I *really* upped my protein game for lunch and baked some venison with veggies … I was HANGRY for lunch around noon, so I ate a lot more protein than usual, but hey, it was delicious.

– 10 oz. venison: 85.6 grams protein, 448 calories

– Honey Pecan BBQ Sauce: 40 calories

– 5 Brussels sprouts: 43 calories

– Broccoli, 1 C: 31 calories, 2.5 grams protein

– Carrots, 1 C: 52 calories

Total Protein: 88.1 grams, Total Calories: 614

While I was eating lunch, Caprica was playing with a catnip mouse that we bought the kitties at Walmart … they’re a HIT with the kitt lits … one was even in the bed with us this morning, ha!Around 1, my Abs2BFitness pants and Free People top (and new headband) came! Huzzah! I snapped a few silly pictures of my ass in the new gray shorts, so here ya go:

And here’s a slightly blurry pic of the army green capris …

They’re really quite cute and comfy pants … you can see why I’d like to lose some fat around my belly as it’s sticking out between my pants and my crop top (it’s not terrible at all and really not noticeable except to me, so don’t think I’m being overly dramatic here, but it’s just something that I’m working on). I’m going to be a repeat Abs2BFitness customer FOR SURE … I’m already plotting my next order, but until then, I’m going to enjoy these beauties to the FULLEST! ๐Ÿ™‚


Around 3, I had my kombucha for the day – it’s my guilty pleasure, after all, and I just love it! I drank it in Luke’s Glenmorangie glass, just to be festive since I no longer drink alcohol, ha! Total calories: 50.

I also had half of a cucumber with a packet of sweet & spicy tuna fish …

Total Calories: 111, Total Protein: 16 grams.

Workout #2

Luke and I did arms today for about 40 minutes. I did 55 lbs on Preacher Curls, so I was pleased with myself. Luke said today that I’m looking better than I ever have, so that’s highly encouraging. ๐Ÿ™‚ And I just LOVE my new little headband, it made me feel like Wonder Woman!


Around 6, I decided it was time for dinner, so I roasted about 6 oz. of chicken breast with some BBQ sauce along with some red bell pepper. I made a nice herb-y salad with Honey Mustard Sauce and added my chicken and bell pepper on top.

– Chicken Breast, 6 oz: 280 calories, 52.8 grams protein

– BBQ Sauce in Honey Pecan: 40 calories

– Fresh herb salad:ย  35 calories, 3 grams protein

– Red Bell Peppers, 1 C: 46 calories, 1.5 grams protein

– Honey Mustard Sauce: 130 calories, 1 gram protein

Total Calories: 531, Total Protein: 57.3 g

This dinner was surely delicious! YUMMY! That Honey Mustard Sauce *really* made it and was totally worth the calories.

Total Calories for the Day: 1,652 (not taking into account my workouts)

Total Protein for the Day: 198.9 grams – HUZZAH!

Now I’m watching Expedition Unknown and am thinking about cleaning the apartment up a bit … a hot bath is also on my mind! Hope you had a FABULOUS day! ๐Ÿ™‚

~ Mandy