Jumpsuits + Mania

Howdy there! How are you doing today? I tried doing sit ups this morning, and man oh man, I was too sore to do them, so it was a rest day for my abs. I did several hundred sit ups yesterday, after all, so they needed to chill out today. I had quite the interesting and crazy day, so let’s begin with breakfast!

Breakfast

I had my usual three egg scramble around 8 this morning along with three slices of turkey bacon and two turkey sausages. Coffee with stevia and cashew milk to drink. This is my go-to breakfast at this point, y’all.

I had a banana with almond butter around 10 too. I get hungrier in the mornings now that I’m working out daily.

Lunch

I roasted some carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, and eggplant with EVOO and S+P, and I ate them on a small bed of spinach with some roasted red pepper sauce and a Dr. Praeger’s veggie burger. A pretty straightforward lunch – veggies + a type of protein (we’re low on protein right now, so I reached for a veggie burger today).

In the early afternoon, I had MAJOR ANXIETY. I’m not sure if I was semi-manic plus had anxiety or not, but it certainly felt that way. I was zippy but too out-of-sorts to do anything productive. Soon enough, I calmed down after a few extra Gapabentin, and I was able to feel more like myself (until later, as you’ll soon see).

Luke was napping, and Calliope made herself very comfortable next to his leg! So stinkin’ cute!

Snack

Around 3, I had a mango with Tajin Seasoning and some Orange Cinnamon Tea from Seattle.

I was also needing some carbs, so I had some pretzels and hummus. 🙂 Yummy. Those tasted so DELIGHTFUL. I’m trying to watch my bread-y carb intake, but I needed some pretzels this afternoon.

Mental Health and Eating Disorder Discussion

Soon after my snack, I became MANIC AF, y’all. I CLEANED and CLEANED and CLEANED. Seriously, I got under the couch, table, bed, in the crevices, EVERYWHERE – just imagine cat hair flying around like crazy and me chasing it around with the vacuum.

AHHHH, mania can be FUN. But make no mistake, it’s a hellish type of fun, I assure you … you’re literally OUT OF CONTROL of your mind and are zippy, zippy, zippy … you feel like you can do ANYTHING, no limits … this has gotten me into trouble before though, so I try to keep my activities to deep cleaning and working out. (I also try not to drive while manic, so thankfully the gym is within walking distance of the apartment).

As I was taking out the trash in a most manic fashion (sans shoes and wearing only socks, a crop top, and joggers in 46 degree weather), the mailman came with my coveted package from Free People – I had ordered the Olympus Longline jumpsuit, and it finally came! I ordered an XS, and it fits PERFECTLY! Here’s a pic of me, sans makeup and looking crazy AF, in my new duds. HUZZAH!

I told ya I was getting more muscular around my middle, and it really shows in this pic – I’m coming to terms with it, and I’m realizing how *strong* my body was meant to be, not skinny and frail. I’m getting STRONGER, HEALTHIER, HAPPIER, and if you struggle with an eating disorder, YOU CAN TOO. I’ve struggled for nearly 18 years, and at 33 years old, I’m taking back my life and my sanity. It’s totally doable … and I’m just here to share my story and encourage others to do the same.

I’m REALLY looking forward to having bigger biceps and triceps, and I’m on my way! I just want to be bigger all around, muscular and looking like I could kick some ass and not be a shrimp. Truth be told, I felt so BEAUTIFUL in these pictures, even though my hair and makeup weren’t done at all. I felt powerful, ready to take on the world (but that’s also part of the mania).

Remember when I used to look like this about half a year ago?

I am no longer that girl, and I *never want to be that girl again.* I am a strong woman who is working on getting her gains and health back! Since that picture, I’d say I’ve put on about 20-23 lbs … I don’t weigh everyday anymore, so I’m not certain of my current weight, but I’d say it’s between around the high 120’s and the low 130’s.

Workout

(As a side note, the water in our apartment wasn’t turning on after I was done with the majority of my cleaning, so I ran down to the office … they said a pipe burst and that they were working on it, poop!)

Since the water was out and I couldn’t clean more without it, I decided to put my mania to good use and went to the gym – I did the elliptical for 30 minutes at breakneck speed and felt MUCH better. If you struggle with mania, I *highly* suggest the gym. It’s so therapeutic and gets out the zippy energy. I left the gym feeling amazing.

Dinner

After my workout, I wasn’t feeling too hungry at all, but I had a tangelo with Tajin.

I was feeling more snacky than hungry around 6:30, so I had some Boar’s Head turkey with cheddar cheese and red pepper dressing. Protein, delicious protein! 😉 Tea to drink.

For dessert around 7:15, I had a Brown Cow raspberry yogurt with fresh raspberries and honey. All I can say is DELICIOUS. I am a huge fan of Brown Cow’s consistency and taste.

And that, my friends, concludes my crazy day. Again, I hope I’m helping others out there with eating disordered behaviors by posting my meals every now and then, and I hope I’m helping people with bipolar disorder and/or panic disorder too. My little blog is a rather fun hobby, but I’m hoping that I’m ultimately helping others by posting on here. 🙂

Until next time,

~ Mandy

Pancakes + Piercings

Hey there! How are you doing today? I’ve been a little scattered today in the brain, but that’s okay – I’m dealing with it as it comes.

The kitt lits were busy stacking themselves on our TV stand today …

… and Drogo, satisfied from his small rat, was peeking out from underneath his water dish (he can barely squeeze himself under there now, he’s getting so fat).

Breakfast

This is obviously a reenactment of my breakfast – I ate before I remembered to snap a pic, but here ya go! I had a Maple Hill yogurt with strawberries and honey. Coffee with stevia and cashew milk to drink.

Lunch

Today I branched out for lunch and helped my husband make his mother’s lovely whole wheat banana pancakes. I had three pancakes with a bit of butter and pure maple syrup.

Here’s the recipe:

Katie’s Pancakes

Put into blender:

  • 1 C grain (we used whole wheat)
  • 1 1/3 C orange juice or water (we used OJ)

Blend until thoroughly ground.

While blender is still mixing, add:

  • 1 egg
  • Pinch of salt
  • Some honey or sweetener (we used honey)
  • 1 or 2 tablespoons of oil
  • 1 banana

After it is blended, while the blender is still mixing, add 1 heaping tbsp of baking powder. Turn the blender off immediately after baking powder gets sucked in and twirled. Wait and watch the batter rise to the top of the blender.

Pour into greased pan or griddle – flip when there are bubbles on top (we sprayed Pam on the cast iron skillet each time we added a new pancake, FYI). Enjoy!

I also had a small amount of roasted carrots and broccoli and a taste of celery with hummus and Fiesta ranch dressing to add some veg to my diet. Carb-y things like pancakes don’t keep me full but veg does.

After lunch and after running an errand with Luke, I decided to do something special – I went and got my naval pierced at our awesome local American Vengeance Tattoo! I also added on a nose piercing to boot! I wanted a nice change for myself, and while I’ve had my nose pierced before, I plan on keeping this hole from closing. 🙂 I’m in a chapter of my life, and this new year seemed like a great time to do a little something-something for myself since I don’t want another tattoo right now. Tonight my belly button is tender, but my nose is fine. It’s funny – the nose piercing hurt much more than the belly button, which I wasn’t expecting at all.

Snack

I had a ‘bucha …

… and a medium Ambrosia apple with Tajin Seasoning.

Dinner

I enjoyed a simple mixed super green salad with cucumbers, tomatoes, S+P,  Sesame Ginger Dressing, and some hot rotisserie chicken breast and a scoop of leftover liver, onions, bacon, and mushrooms for din-din. Easy peasy and so tasty! I added a bit of BBQ to the chicken after taking this pic, but no biggie.

Mental Health

I had a mini-anxiety attack this morning – my eyes crossed, but I was able to keep it together … I’m glad I’m back on Xanax because I think it truly does help me.

I called my nurse and requested that I take 1 mg extended release pill 4 times a day instead of 2 mg twice a day, and she okayed this request after talking to the nurse practitioner. My pharmacy prescribed it to me a little differently this go-around because I needed extra for my trip to Seattle, and I needed it immediately, and that’s the dosage they had available. I like this dosage better than 2 mg twice a day as I think it keeps me more stable.

I also called my dear mom and chatted with her for a bit; she helps keep my mind together when I talk to her – I don’t want to wake my sleeping husband when I have these attacks, and my mom and my sister are both very available to me, which is amazing. I’m so grateful for them.

Other than that, I was pretty stable today, so I count that as a win. 😉

Hope you’ve had a fabulous day – and please remember that ED recovery and mental stability *is* possible, but it takes time and experimentation to tailor a system which is right for you and no one else!

~ Mandy

 

Anxiety and Depression

Howdy, howdy! How are you doing today?

Shhh! Don’t disturb a sleeping man and his cat! Luke sleeps in much later than me due to his job keeping him up until midnight (and then he stays up even after that). I’m always up between 7:30 – 8:00 a.m. and he’s up around 12:30 p.m. or 1 … it’s a weird schedule for us, but it’ll be changing now that my man is planning on heading back to school next semester to become a Physician’s Assistant.

Breakfast – 9:40 a.m.

While Luke slept, I made my usual egg white + 1 egg mix with S+P today along with three slices of maple bacon and 1 turkey sauce patty. Coffee to drink. I should really mix up my breakfasts, so I’ll think of something else to do tomorrow.

Lunch – 12:40 p.m.

I roasted some carrots, sweet potatoes, Brussels sprouts, and red bell pepper and drizzled on some Toasted Sesame Ginger Dressing. Boar’s Head turkey with BBQ on the side.

I became VERY anxious around 2:30 … I’m nervous about something that’s having to happen on Thursday, but I can’t go into details. Let’s just say that I’m very thankful for my Klonopin and my Gabapentin at this time. Anxiety is rough af, y’all.

Snack – 4:00 p.m.

My snack today was some raw baby carrots and broccoli sprinkled with seasoning and in hummus.

I also ate a Kaiser roll with jam and butter out of anxiety, a decision which I immediately regretted, but what was done was done. I basically ruined my dinner because I ate it.

Cocktail Hour – 6:00 p.m.

I had a Hibiscus Ginger Kombucha for my mocktail this evening. My anxiety had settled into depression at this point.

Dinner – I skipped it

I was just too full from my Kaiser roll and too depressed to eat anything. I know this isn’t ideal, but hey, it’s the reality of living with depression and anxiety.

Here’s hoping that tomorrow is a bright day.

~ Mandy