On Gym Judgement

Hello there! How are you doing today? I was MANIC AF last night, and then I had a massive mood swing and became depressed. It was ROUGH. Being bipolar really sucks sometimes!


I wanted something comforting for breakfast as I had a hard night last night, and banana pumpkin oatmeal sounded amazing-balls. I made a batch and enjoyed it thoroughly! The PB and the granola toppings made it delish!

Workout #1

I did 35 minutes on the elliptical today and 15 minutes walking at 4.0 mph. All in all, a good workout (despite having to use the bathroom like 3 times during it). I snapped a pic of myself (forgive our dirty bathroom mirror, I’m totally on it!) after my workout to show how I look on a typical morning BEFORE my shower. Yes, I look a little tired and grungy, but that’s because I AM! 🙂

And this is what I look like AFTER I’m all cleaned up and dressed today:

I look so much better after I’ve put on my makeup and done my hair … but that’s the beauty of the gym – nobody cares what you look like because they’re busy focusing on themselves, not you. And you should focus on YOURSELF too! 🙂 “Gym judgement” be damned, it’s truly not something to worry about, if you ask my opinion.

Gym time is therapy time for me … the gym sees two versions of me during the day typically – I go in the morning to do cardio before my shower and makeup (I wear extra deodorant!), and then I go in the afternoons to weight lift with my hubby looking much more put together. But again, nobody cares what you look like at the gym! You’re just there to better yourself, nothing more, and it’s nobody’s business what you look like! I used to worry about “gym judgement” but now I don’t, and there’s no reason to do so!


I was in a very veggie-mood today, so I roasted some red bell pepper, carrots, and Brussels sprouts with S+P, EVOO, and garlic powder for lunch. I also boiled three eggs and heated 4 slices of turkey bacon. I topped my mix with some honey mustard sauce.

Delicious and filling! Yum! (And the kitt lits were BADGERING ME the entire time I was eating …. they wanted butt-pets!)

Speaking of kitt lits, I forced Luke to pick up Persephone (who was sound asleep on the couch) and hold her so I could get a good picture of him and his muscles. 😉 I don’t take nearly enough pics of Luke, and I’d like to change that!

For reference, this is how my man used to look back in the day (he probably weighs about 140-145 lbs in this pic).

After lunch, I got out the scale and weighed myself – I’m at 133 lbs (with food and fluids in my belly), and I’m completely satisfied with that number. 😉

Workout #2

Luke and I hit the gym up again to do chest day – we stayed about 40 minutes before Luke had to head home to get ready for work, but we got a great workout in. I lifted 50 lbs on the chest machine below, and I was impressed with myself as I usually just do 40 lbs. I also did 15 lbs on a few of the cables (not too terribly many, as I tend to stay around 10 lbs, but hey, improvement is improvement).

Upon returning home, we noticed that snakey-poo Drogo was out and chilling on his log … he may be hungry again although we just fed him on Monday! I think we’ll get him another mouse tomorrow.


Around 4, I broke out a Synergy kombucha in Trilogy …

I also had some cucs with Hickory Smoked tuna and honey mustard. Easy peasy.

I also tried something new-to-me: Halo Top ice cream in chocolate chip cookie dough. I just had a small taste, but man oh man, it was GOOD! A definite keeper – a nice alternative to ice cream.


I started dinner off with an opal apple, PB, cinnamon, and nutmeg. I was pretty snacky, after all, and needed a little something-something. This apple hit the spot and felt decadent with the PB and spices.

Later on, I baked a chicken breast with BBQ, some zucchini, broccoli, and asparagus, and I made a nice green salad with some quinoa and brown and red rice blend with flaxseed. I topped my salad with the veg and chicken and drizzled on some jalapeno ranch.

Ok y’all, this was a GIGANTIC dinner selection. Delicious, but gigantic. I probably shouldn’t have eaten it all, but I did!

Tomorrow I plan to resume my cutting adventures for sure – I took the day off today, which is fine, but if I want results, I need to stick with it! So cheers to that!

Hope you had a FABULOUS day! I’m just chilling now, cleaning up the apartment, and watching Josh Gates’ Destination Truth.

~ Mandy

Getting Warmer Out = A Happy Mandy + Adventures in Cutting 2

Howdy, howdy there! How are you doing today? Mood-wise, I’ve been doing SO WELL, and it’s been AMAZING. 🙂 I don’t want to jinx myself, but I’m thrilled that the weather is getting warmer. Warmer weather always equates to better moods with me. Speaking of moods, tomorrow is World Bipolar Day, and I’m writing a post to commemorate it … stay tuned!

Onto my eats for the day! I’m still in my cutting-phase, so you’ll see lots of protein today. I must say that I’m really enjoying logging my food into my Lose It app. I love seeing the breakdown of what I’m eating daily!


I woke up very groggy – I needed extra coffee to jump-start my day! I had a repeat of yesterday’s breakfast – three eggs and two pieces of turkey sausage with Pace salsa and chilies.

Total Protein: 31 grams

Total Calories: 356


I headed to the gym as usual and did my 30 minutes on the elliptical and 15 minutes walking at 4.0 mph. All in all, a good workout! Then I came back and took a much needed shower! Luke and I took a rest day from weights as he was tired from school and had to work a long shift tonight.

I put on some normal clothes today, huzzah! 🙂 My top/dress/Dolman/whatever-you-wanna-call-it is Anthropologie, and it’s PERFECT for 60 degree days like today. I also felt festive and put on some lipstick. 😉 I felt very cute!


I roasted Brussels sprouts, broccoli, carrots, and red bell pepper with S+P and garlic powder for lunch … I let them roast for a bit before I added 6 oz of chicken to the mix with some BBQ sauce. I topped the veggies with some hummus and salsa!

Total Protein: 63.4 grams

Total Calories: 572

This lunch was incredibly filling and DELISH! 🙂


I had 10 pretzel pieces as a snack today along with a diet Coke. This wasn’t really a cutting-friendly snack, but hey, I wanted something crunchy and salty, and this fit the bill.

Protein: 2 grams

Calories: 110

I also had a 7 oz. opal apple with Tajin, yummy! Again, not exactly cutting-friendly because of the sugar, but it’s a healthy snack, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Protein: 0.5 grams

Calories: 103

The kitt lits were sound asleep after Luke headed to work … Calliope was asleep on the TV while Persephone and Caprica made themselves comfy on the bed.


Dinner tonight was a reprise of lunch – we’re low on proteins, so BBQ chicken it was again! I baked 6 oz of chicken breast with BBQ sauce as well as some Brussels sprouts, broccoli, and carrots. Then I placed a small amount of herb-y lettuce salad on the bottom of my bowl (it was the last little bit I had in my container) and added my chicken and veg. I topped them with some salsa and a teeny, tiny squirt of honey mustard sauce, just to feel a little naughty. Sometimes one just has to be a little naughty. 😉 No worries, I logged it in my Lose It app.

Total Protein: 61.3 grams

Total Calories: 486

Total Protein for the Day: 158.1 grams

Total Calories for the Day (not taking into account those lost via exercise): 1,627

I think I’m doing well! I’ve really upped my protein game … I should count my other macros, but I think sticking to protein is good for now. 🙂

Hope you had a lovely day! I sure did!

~ Mandy

Adventures in Dietary Cutting

Hello, hello! How are you doing today?

I’m starting my cutting diet today – that means tons of protein (about 150+ grams a day), no sugar, few carbs and fats. This will only last about a week or two, so no worries as I’m only looking to get down about 5 lbs of fat. I’m using the Lose It! App to track my protein intake, not really calories so much, but it’s fun to see, and it’s SO cool to see what I’m eating broken down into parts! Let’s see how I did today, shall we? 😉


I had three eggs with S+P, enchilada sauce, and chilies along with two turkey sausage patties … here’s the breakdown (I’m not counting the enchilada sauce or the chilies … there’s no need to be obsessive, and they’re not too many calories anyway):

– 3 eggs: 216 calories, 18 g protein

– 2 turkey sausage patties: 130 calories, 13 g protein

Total Protein: 31 grams, Total Calories: 346

Coffee with stevia and cashew milk to drink here, nothing new. I actually bought a new type of salted caramel creamer and tried it yesterday, but it was waaaay too sweet for me, so I’ll just give it to Luke. I’m set in my ways when it comes to cashew milk and stevia in my coffee, I suppose.

Workout #1

After breakfast, I headed to the gym and did the elliptical for 30 minutes and walked briskly for 15 minutes. I had a great little workout! 🙂 I’m so happy that I’ve decided to incorporate cardio into my daily routine as I think it truly does help with my bipolar disorder. Starting my day off with exercise does wonders for me, and my mood was very stable today.


I *really* upped my protein game for lunch and baked some venison with veggies … I was HANGRY for lunch around noon, so I ate a lot more protein than usual, but hey, it was delicious.

– 10 oz. venison: 85.6 grams protein, 448 calories

– Honey Pecan BBQ Sauce: 40 calories

– 5 Brussels sprouts: 43 calories

– Broccoli, 1 C: 31 calories, 2.5 grams protein

– Carrots, 1 C: 52 calories

Total Protein: 88.1 grams, Total Calories: 614

While I was eating lunch, Caprica was playing with a catnip mouse that we bought the kitties at Walmart … they’re a HIT with the kitt lits … one was even in the bed with us this morning, ha!Around 1, my Abs2BFitness pants and Free People top (and new headband) came! Huzzah! I snapped a few silly pictures of my ass in the new gray shorts, so here ya go:

And here’s a slightly blurry pic of the army green capris …

They’re really quite cute and comfy pants … you can see why I’d like to lose some fat around my belly as it’s sticking out between my pants and my crop top (it’s not terrible at all and really not noticeable except to me, so don’t think I’m being overly dramatic here, but it’s just something that I’m working on). I’m going to be a repeat Abs2BFitness customer FOR SURE … I’m already plotting my next order, but until then, I’m going to enjoy these beauties to the FULLEST! 🙂


Around 3, I had my kombucha for the day – it’s my guilty pleasure, after all, and I just love it! I drank it in Luke’s Glenmorangie glass, just to be festive since I no longer drink alcohol, ha! Total calories: 50.

I also had half of a cucumber with a packet of sweet & spicy tuna fish …

Total Calories: 111, Total Protein: 16 grams.

Workout #2

Luke and I did arms today for about 40 minutes. I did 55 lbs on Preacher Curls, so I was pleased with myself. Luke said today that I’m looking better than I ever have, so that’s highly encouraging. 🙂 And I just LOVE my new little headband, it made me feel like Wonder Woman!


Around 6, I decided it was time for dinner, so I roasted about 6 oz. of chicken breast with some BBQ sauce along with some red bell pepper. I made a nice herb-y salad with Honey Mustard Sauce and added my chicken and bell pepper on top.

– Chicken Breast, 6 oz: 280 calories, 52.8 grams protein

– BBQ Sauce in Honey Pecan: 40 calories

– Fresh herb salad:  35 calories, 3 grams protein

– Red Bell Peppers, 1 C: 46 calories, 1.5 grams protein

– Honey Mustard Sauce: 130 calories, 1 gram protein

Total Calories: 531, Total Protein: 57.3 g

This dinner was surely delicious! YUMMY! That Honey Mustard Sauce *really* made it and was totally worth the calories.

Total Calories for the Day: 1,652 (not taking into account my workouts)

Total Protein for the Day: 198.9 grams – HUZZAH!

Now I’m watching Expedition Unknown and am thinking about cleaning the apartment up a bit … a hot bath is also on my mind! Hope you had a FABULOUS day! 🙂

~ Mandy



Cardio Goals

Howdy there! How are you today?

We went to the ranch this weekend, and man oh man, we had a BLAST! Here are a few pics …

The Ranch

We ate lunch at the Cattle Exchange, and Luke and I were STUFFED from the Rib Eye Rellenos! Holy YUM!

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming! I was in a good mood this morning because my Abs2BFitness pants and Free People top shipped!

Workout #1

I got up and decided to do some CARDIO this morning despite the drizzle of rain (FINALLY!) and the chill in the air – I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and 15 minutes on the treadmill. Talk about a MOOD BOOST, y’all. This absolutely set me up to have a positive day. 🙂 My plan is to do at least 30 minutes of cardio on most days. I think it’ll do wonders for my mood and body image.


Confession: I simply wasn’t hungry for breakfast – coffee held me over through my workout – so I had brunch at 11 instead! (This picture is so crappy, but I was hungry and ate before checking my camera!) I had a piece of toast with butter and jam, blackberries, two eggs, bacon, and some turkey sausage.


After my brunch, I was still hungry, so I roasted some carrots and ate them with hummus and jalapeno ranch dressing. YUM!

Luke and Caprica chilled out on the couch …

… and soon all three cats migrated to the nice comfy bed!

While Luke took a nap (he had to be up early for school), I braved the cold and rain and hit up Walmart and United for this week’s eats and necessities.


I wanted a snack after I hit up the stores, so I had some cucumber, Boar’s Head ham and American cheese, and some pretzel crisps with honey mustard.

I also had an opal apple with Tajin around 3:15 …

Workout #2

Luke and I went back to Verdure at 3:30 and did leg day … we haven’t done leg day in a while, so we were both very wobbly afterwards!

Here’s a pic of what I wore to workout today – nothing fancy, and I’m afraid that my middle looks FAT AF in this getup, but I still wore it and tried to ignore my lying mind. I’m currently at about 133.8 lbs (I weighed today after lunch, so I had food and liquid in my stomach), and I’m trying to push past thoughts that I need to be skinnier, which I *DO* have … le sigh.

My stomach has filled out for sure – I can barely see my ribs now, and I can see my upper abs … it’s a hard adjustment to see, as I only see myself getting fatter, not fitter or healthier. It’s just part of the struggle, I suppose.

Around 5:15, I had a kombucha …


I had a lovely roast chicken salad for dinner – I baked some Brussels sprouts, broccoli, and red bell pepper in the oven and then topped some herb-y greens with hot chicken breast and drizzled it all with jalapeno ranch and BBQ sauce.

I’m thinking about CUTTING, y’all, to get rid of some tummy fat and to try and show more muscle. I’ll be eating more protein, less carbs and fats, no sugar, etc. so we’ll see how this goes!

Have a great one,

~ Mandy




Jumpsuits + Mania

Howdy there! How are you doing today? I tried doing sit ups this morning, and man oh man, I was too sore to do them, so it was a rest day for my abs. I did several hundred sit ups yesterday, after all, so they needed to chill out today. I had quite the interesting and crazy day, so let’s begin with breakfast!


I had my usual three egg scramble around 8 this morning along with three slices of turkey bacon and two turkey sausages. Coffee with stevia and cashew milk to drink. This is my go-to breakfast at this point, y’all.

I had a banana with almond butter around 10 too. I get hungrier in the mornings now that I’m working out daily.


I roasted some carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, and eggplant with EVOO and S+P, and I ate them on a small bed of spinach with some roasted red pepper sauce and a Dr. Praeger’s veggie burger. A pretty straightforward lunch – veggies + a type of protein (we’re low on protein right now, so I reached for a veggie burger today).

In the early afternoon, I had MAJOR ANXIETY. I’m not sure if I was semi-manic plus had anxiety or not, but it certainly felt that way. I was zippy but too out-of-sorts to do anything productive. Soon enough, I calmed down after a few extra Gapabentin, and I was able to feel more like myself (until later, as you’ll soon see).

Luke was napping, and Calliope made herself very comfortable next to his leg! So stinkin’ cute!


Around 3, I had a mango with Tajin Seasoning and some Orange Cinnamon Tea from Seattle.

I was also needing some carbs, so I had some pretzels and hummus. 🙂 Yummy. Those tasted so DELIGHTFUL. I’m trying to watch my bread-y carb intake, but I needed some pretzels this afternoon.

Mental Health and Eating Disorder Discussion

Soon after my snack, I became MANIC AF, y’all. I CLEANED and CLEANED and CLEANED. Seriously, I got under the couch, table, bed, in the crevices, EVERYWHERE – just imagine cat hair flying around like crazy and me chasing it around with the vacuum.

AHHHH, mania can be FUN. But make no mistake, it’s a hellish type of fun, I assure you … you’re literally OUT OF CONTROL of your mind and are zippy, zippy, zippy … you feel like you can do ANYTHING, no limits … this has gotten me into trouble before though, so I try to keep my activities to deep cleaning and working out. (I also try not to drive while manic, so thankfully the gym is within walking distance of the apartment).

As I was taking out the trash in a most manic fashion (sans shoes and wearing only socks, a crop top, and joggers in 46 degree weather), the mailman came with my coveted package from Free People – I had ordered the Olympus Longline jumpsuit, and it finally came! I ordered an XS, and it fits PERFECTLY! Here’s a pic of me, sans makeup and looking crazy AF, in my new duds. HUZZAH!

I told ya I was getting more muscular around my middle, and it really shows in this pic – I’m coming to terms with it, and I’m realizing how *strong* my body was meant to be, not skinny and frail. I’m getting STRONGER, HEALTHIER, HAPPIER, and if you struggle with an eating disorder, YOU CAN TOO. I’ve struggled for nearly 18 years, and at 33 years old, I’m taking back my life and my sanity. It’s totally doable … and I’m just here to share my story and encourage others to do the same.

I’m REALLY looking forward to having bigger biceps and triceps, and I’m on my way! I just want to be bigger all around, muscular and looking like I could kick some ass and not be a shrimp. Truth be told, I felt so BEAUTIFUL in these pictures, even though my hair and makeup weren’t done at all. I felt powerful, ready to take on the world (but that’s also part of the mania).

Remember when I used to look like this about half a year ago?

I am no longer that girl, and I *never want to be that girl again.* I am a strong woman who is working on getting her gains and health back! Since that picture, I’d say I’ve put on about 20-23 lbs … I don’t weigh everyday anymore, so I’m not certain of my current weight, but I’d say it’s between around the high 120’s and the low 130’s.


(As a side note, the water in our apartment wasn’t turning on after I was done with the majority of my cleaning, so I ran down to the office … they said a pipe burst and that they were working on it, poop!)

Since the water was out and I couldn’t clean more without it, I decided to put my mania to good use and went to the gym – I did the elliptical for 30 minutes at breakneck speed and felt MUCH better. If you struggle with mania, I *highly* suggest the gym. It’s so therapeutic and gets out the zippy energy. I left the gym feeling amazing.


After my workout, I wasn’t feeling too hungry at all, but I had a tangelo with Tajin.

I was feeling more snacky than hungry around 6:30, so I had some Boar’s Head turkey with cheddar cheese and red pepper dressing. Protein, delicious protein! 😉 Tea to drink.

For dessert around 7:15, I had a Brown Cow raspberry yogurt with fresh raspberries and honey. All I can say is DELICIOUS. I am a huge fan of Brown Cow’s consistency and taste.

And that, my friends, concludes my crazy day. Again, I hope I’m helping others out there with eating disordered behaviors by posting my meals every now and then, and I hope I’m helping people with bipolar disorder and/or panic disorder too. My little blog is a rather fun hobby, but I’m hoping that I’m ultimately helping others by posting on here. 🙂

Until next time,

~ Mandy