Ultrasounds + Moods + Alcoholics and Kombucha

Howdy there! How are you today?

I got up bright and early for my ultrasound, and the results should be in by Monday, so that’s positive. My weight is down to 119 lbs today for some reason (despite eating candy due to emotional eating out of nervousness for my ultrasound), but I’m not too concerned – I’m sure it’s just a natural fluctuation because I was fasting last night and this morning.

Breakfast – 10:00 a.m.

I bought two ultimate breakfast tacos from Rosa’s Cafe and scarfed them down – I was starving after fasting! They were delicious. I also bought a chocolate mocha coffee from Roasters, our local coffee shop, and it was *divine.*

Lunch – 1:15 p.m.

I wasn’t terribly hungry after my giant breakfast, so I made my favorite veggies, roasted carrots and Brussels sprouts with Toasted Sesame Ginger Sauce, and had a turkey and provolone cheese roll-up.

Workout – 2:00 p.m. – 2:30 p.m.

My mood took a negative turn and I started crying around 2:00 … just a bipolar mood from being an empath. Luke and I went to the gym for just 30 minutes before I just couldn’t do it anymore.

At least we *went* and I tried my hardest for 30 minutes. That’s what counts, y’all. TRYING.

What *did* brighten my day and my mood was receiving this adorable shirt in the mail from Free People – it’s the We The Free Good Find Top, and man, it IS truly a good find! I also got two other items, but they are going back because they just didn’t live up to my expectations. This shirt, however, is PERFECTION. It’s comfortable, flow-y, trendy, and fun, perfect for the fall and winter … I LOVE IT! I may even buy another one with my refund money.

Snack – 4:00 p.m.

For my snack today, I had a few carrots (and some un-pictured broccoli) with hummus. Moroccan Mint Green Tea to drink.

Cocktail Hour – 6:00 p.m.

Tonight I had a Trilogy Kombucha …

On Kombucha and Being a Former Alcoholic

I had a conversation with my sister about kombucha, and she was worried because I was drinking it with my past as an alcoholic. I’m going to bring this up with my doctor next time I see him because I do not want to be harming myself in any way, but for the record, kombucha has a 0.5% – 1% naturally occurring alcohol content because of its fermentation. That’s just a little less than a non-alcoholic beer such as O’Doul’s.

I do not drink kombucha to get drunk, obviously, but I do drink it because of the health benefits, especially the healthy gut support, and because of the taste. Drinking even a little bit of alcohol at this point makes me feel very sick (see the time I made bread pudding, accidentally didn’t cook all of the alcohol out of the Kraken I used, and made myself extremely sick from eating it), and that’s the last thing I want to do to myself. But my sister made a good point – I need to ask Dr. Keister next time I see him about it, just to be sure, but I’m honestly not too concerned about my little mocktail of kombucha each night. I’ll wait to see the results of the ultrasound and go from there.

Dinner – 7:00 p.m.

Tonight I made BBQ chicken breast and veggies (cauliflower, carrots, and red bell pepper served with some Toasted Sesame Ginger Sauce). Easy peasy.

Now I’m sipping on my kombucha and watching TLC’s Kindred Spirits. Hope you had a good day. Mine was so-so mood-wise, but that’s okay … some days are better than others.

~ Mandy

Question: Do you have an opinion on alcoholics and kombucha? Yay or nay?

Snick-Snacking

Howdy, howdy! How are you doing today? It’s rainy and cool out, bleh!

I’m up another pound and am currently at 122.6 lbs. Not to shabby, if I do say so myself. Hopefully it’s muscle or food/water weight and not fat … I still have a hangup about gaining fat and not muscle, but that’s a discussion for another time. But no worries – it’s just my mind battling me, and I’m looking so much healthier than I was at 110 lbs, and I’m proud of the steps I’m taking to get fit again.

The bed this morning was overrun with grooming kitties!
Breakfast – 10:00 a.m.

I had pumpkin oatmeal for breakfast, but I switched my mix up a bit – I added hemp seeds and cottage cheese to it (we’re out of bananas, so I had to get creative). Other than that, this was my usual 1/2 C of Quaker Oats, milk, chia seeds, vanilla, salt, nutmeg, and cinnamon with a stir of pumpkin at the end of cooking. Peanut butter to top, coffee to drink! (I didn’t eat my entire portion, just enough to feel full which was about 3/4.)

Lunch – 12:45 p.m.

Lunch was what I usually have for breakfast except amplified. I wilted a large handful of spinach and then added egg whites + 1 regular egg and S+P to the spinach to cook. Shredded cheddar was added at the end. I had my usual three strips of bacon and 1 turkey sausage patty with my eggs.

Workout – 1:30 p.m. – 2:30 p.m.

We did legs today, nothing too special … it was raining HARD once we were done, so we sprinted to the car!

Snack – 2:45 p.m.

I was craving protein like crazy after the gym, so I nuked some turkey and provolone cheese and scarfed my concoction down with plenty of water.

Persephone was snuggled up next to a pair of Luke’s pants on the couch and looked very pleased with herself.

Snack – 4:00 p.m.

I was feelin’ snacky again around 4, so I had a Siggi’s Mixed Berry Yogurt with raspberries and honey. I kinda snick-snacked my way through the evening instead of having a proper dinner.

Cocktail Hour – 5:00 p.m.

I tried Humm mango passion fruit kombucha this evening, and I really enjoyed the flavor! YUM! 😉

Dinner – 7:00 p.m.

I wasn’t too hungry after my large snacks this afternoon, so I kept dinner simple and just roasted some Brussels sprouts and carrots and tossed them with Toasted Sesame Ginger Sauce. At this point, I was drinking a TON of water in preparation for my midnight to morning fast for my ultrasound, so my stomach was quite full.

Now I’m watching Mysteries at the Museum (yay Halloween edition!) and sipping on water with thoughts of making some green tea. The cats are asleep in a line on the couch, most thrilled with themselves.

Here’s hoping my ultrasound goes well tomorrow! Fingers crossed!

~ Mandy

Up a Pound + A Workout

Howdy, howdy! How are you doing today? I’m up a pound, which is great! I’m at 121 lbs today, and I’m hoping it’s because I’m gaining some muscle. Of course, it could just be food or water weight, but I’m pretty happy right now with myself.

Squint-y Calliope says “hello” on this warm, drizzly day!

Persephone says “Leave me alone, woman, I’m trying to lounge!”

Caprica says “I’m sleeping next to my favorite human, Luke, and I’m just so pleased with myself!”

Breakfast – 10:30 a.m.

I had my usual egg white and maple bacon breakfast this morning. It was a little later than usual, but that’s okay.

Lunch –

For lunch today, I was in the mood for vegetables. I roasted some sweet potato, Brussels sprouts, carrots, cauliflower, and broccoli and topped my veg with some light Italian dressing and some hummus. .

I also had three deer meatballs drizzled with BBQ sauce. The picture is messy AF because I heated the meatballs up WITH the BBQ sauce, and it kinda exploded and caramelized.

Workout 1:45 – 2:45 p.m.

Today we braved the warm rain and did chest and back, and I did abs and a few legs.

If I keep this up for a year, imagine how I’ll look and *feel*! That’s my goal, y’all.

Snack – 3:30 p.m.

Soon after the gym, I wanted a snack, so I had an Envy apple with PB and some green tea. I also had a sip of Chobani drinkable Greek yogurt.

Cocktail Hour – 5:30 p.m.

I had a Gingerade Kombucha as my little mocktail while fretting over the ultrasound on my liver (scheduled for Friday). I’m concerned because I truly was quite the little miserable alcoholic. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts tonight … it’s hard because I’m quite the fretter.

Dinner – 6:30 p.m.

I wasn’t really very hungry, so I kept things simple with some cottage cheese, raspberries, and honey. Delish!

Now I’m watching Expedition Unknown and sipping on some tea. Hope you had a fabulous day!

~ Mandy

A Moody Day

Howdy there! How are you doing today? My thoughts and prayers go out to the mass shooting in Las Vegas … how horrific. So much mental health reform is needed in this country (mentally ill criminals will never follow the law and will always be able to gain access to weaponry, so we should not disarm mentally stable, law-abiding citizens, in my personal opinion), but now is not the time to get political – now is the time for healing and much prayer.

I had to get up early for a counseling appointment, but all is well here in the Texas Panhandle. I was a *touch* moody today too, but I dealt with it just fine. Thank the Universe for meds is all I have to say today.

Breakfast – 10:00 a.m.

I had my usual egg white/bacon/sausage mix for breakfast – I tried maple bacon, and it smelled delicious while it was cooking and definitely had a hint of maple flavor! 🙂 The salsa kinda dumped out on the plate, but I was cool with it – I love me some salsa. Today this breakfast was the perfect size for my tummy.

I felt so pretty for my counseling appointment that I just had to snap a pic! My vest is Anthropologie, my top is Free People, and my pants are JAGs. My trusty James Avery Texas charm and AllBirds completed the outfit. No lipstick on yet in the pic, but I wore Jouer in Pamplemousse. I look a little tired here, but I did have to get up earlier than usual, ha!

Lunch – 12:45 p.m. – 1:45 p.m.

I wasn’t in the mood for food around lunchtime, so I had a glass of milk. Weird-sounding, but I need the calcium (thank you, anorexia, for depriving my bones of calcium). I’m going to try drinking a glass everyday.

Around 1, I put some BBQ chicken and sweet potatoes in the oven. Once baked, I placed them on a bed of spaghetti squash with some vodka sauce and Parmesan.

Workout – 2:00 p.m. – 3:00 p.m

Some asshat was working in the apartment next to us with a loud saw, so we elected to quickly go to the gym in hopes that he would be done by the time we got back. We did arms today, and I was extremely glum about it because I was in a low mood suddenly after eating lunch. Yes, I’m ultimately glad that we went, but I was just in a mood. BUT I DID IT, and that’s what counts.

My back is looking a ton better. We came home, and I had a much needed coffee, which seemed to perk up my mood a bit … until that asshole next door started sawing again! GAAAH! I had to go for a drive to get away from the noise. I’m highly sensitive to noise, and loud noises like that send me over the roof.

Snack – 4:20 p.m.

After calling Luke and hearing the report that the jackass wasn’t sawing anymore, I returned home and wanted something with protein but something creamy and sweet, so I opted for a Siggi’s Mixed Berry Yogurt with some honey and macadamia nuts.

Let me tell y’all, my stomach was RAGING after this snack for some reason – I wish I hadn’t eaten it! I had to take some Pepto and suffered through some awful cramps. Perhaps it was the macadamia nuts?

The rest of the afternoon was perfect for relaxing. Luke had the day off, so he chilled with Caprica and watched a TV show. 😉

Cocktail Hour – 5:45 p.m.

I sipped on my usual kombucha mocktail in Hibiscus Ginger tonight in an attempt to calm my upset tummy.

I broke my dinner into several parts tonight for some reason just because I was more “snacky” than hungry.

Dinner #1 – 6:25 p.m.

I roasted some carrots and broccoli and ate them in a tub of hummus. Easy peasy. Roasted carrots are my jam, y’all.

Dinner #2 – 7:00 p.m.

Luke and I split another Copper River Salmon fillet, except this time my side didn’t have Gary’s Secret Sauce on it (just too rich for my tummy). Mine was simply seasoned with S+P. My piece looks teeny in the picture, but it was a pretty good size my protein.

Luke shared his fish with Caprica ….

I may or may not have a banana or an apple with peanut butter later (depending on how late I stay up), but I’m not going to fret over posting it.

Here’s to a BRIGHTER tomorrow, my friends. XOXOXO

~ Mandy

One Day at a Time

Howdy there! Happy First Day of October! It’s that pumpkin-spiced-laced time of year now, isn’t it?

How are you doing today? I’m doing pretty well. Today was a no-makeup and a messy bun day. 😉 I also have been having digestive issues from that mayo-covered baked salmon last night, and my tummy is very pissy today (i.e. Pepto is needed), but I’ll get over it.

The stats for today:

  • 274 days sober from alcoholism
  • 85 days without vomiting up any food

I’m taking my life one day at a time right now when it comes to the ED and the mental health issues that I deal with – they’re both my struggles. Yes, my bipolar will ALWAYS be a struggle, but hopefully the eating disordered thinking will lessen with time as it’s showing to right now, just as my cravings for alcohol completely disappeared. My body dysmorphia is still rough at night when my belly is round and full, but I’m trying to push past that and simply stay STRONG and remember that my food in my full tummy is my fuel, nothing bad.

You just have to put one foot forward before the other and take it slowly but surely – that’s my motto. Just get through the day, that’s all you have to do. I’m still hanging around 120 lbs, but I’m not as concerned about that because I’m looking better, and I’m exercising and eating very well. I’m focused mainly on slowly gaining that muscle weight. Would it be *good* if I could eat a bit more? Probably, but I don’t think my sensitive digestive system could handle being more satiated – I eat a TON for me as it is, and I’m having to see my doctor about my digestive issues (I’m on some pills to help, and Pepto helps too in a pinch).

I *am* VERY happy to announce that I’m losing my irrational fear of the scale. I’m starting to associate it with positive thoughts, such as more weight being muscle gains and food/water weight, and not have such a negative attitude towards it, such as allowing it to be a constant source of panic and disgust towards myself, a personal affront.  I’m telling myself that my weight does NOT matter, but my physique DOES. And to have a good physique, I must eat very well (tons of protein) and lift weights.

Yes, I realize that my eats are probably a little bit boring – I try to eat up everything that we have before going to the store again, so I eat some of the same things over and over again. But that’s okay. This is MY blog, and if I want to share my boring eats, I’ll share my boring eats! It’s very helpful to me in beating this disorder to write about it and take pictures.

Breakfast – 10:00 a.m.

I had my usual egg whites and two turkey sausage patties for breakfast this morning with salsa on top. Still a little too filling, but I’ll work on it. Much coffee was also consumed, it was a coffee kinda morning.

Lunch -12:40 p.m.

I wasn’t too excited about lunch yet again. I simply baked some cauliflower, sweet potato, broccoli, and carrot with some seasoning salt and ate them with some hummus and Toasted Sesame Dressing. I also had a slice of deer meatloaf for my protein. I just love that meatloaf! So tasty!

Workout – 1:30 p.m. – 2:30 p.m.

We did legs today, and I did abs. To be honest, I was tired today and didn’t really want to go, but we did it anyway, and I’m so glad because I felt immensely better. No commemorative pics today as we were too busy trying to not look at some dude’s junk because he was wearing tight spandex pants and doing the leg press. Talk about gross. I’m sorry, but gross. I hope that doesn’t become a trend. Yes, I’m human, and I judge sometimes. So sue me. I’m sure some people there look at my bony body and think “gross” too … we’re all just human.

After our workout, I put on my comfy AllBirds and bleached the sinks, the toilet, and the bathtub for cleaning. Yes, I like to clean. It’s therapeutic. My first “snack” consisted of two Pepto pills and some green tea and Sprite Zero … not a very appetizing snack, I assure you, but damn, my stomach was *not* happy at this point.

Snack – 5:00 p.m.

I finally decided that I needed to stomach *something,* so I cut up some red bell pepper, placed it in a pine nut hummus container along with three slices of mesquite smoked turkey breast. I ate the turkey first to gauge my stomach and then slowly ate the red bell pepper. A good snack for an achy tummy!

Dinner – 7:00 p.m.

My stomach still wasn’t cooperating, but I needed to eat dinner, so I forged ahead and cut up a chicken breast, sprinkled it with Lawry’s Seasoning and BBQ sauce and baked it in the oven alongside some baby carrots which I drizzled with Light Italian Dressing (love that shit). I also sauteed some spinach and added it to some spaghetti squash with some vodka sauce and a dash of Parmesan.

This was an *extremely* filling meal for me, but I’m glad I ate every bite – I needed the protein.

Cocktail Hour – 7:30 p.m.

I had my usual mocktail kombucha in Trilogy tonight and sipped on it well over an hour. YUM!

Now I’m just chillin’, cleaning up a little bit more, and watching Travel Channel. I hope YOU’VE had an amazing day!

~ Mandy

Gary’s Secret King Salmon Sauce

Howdy there y’all! How are you doing today? It’s another cool, rainy day here in the Texas Panhandle. Nothing too new to report today. Mental health wise, I’m stable and in a good place, so huzzah!

Breakfast – 10:00 a.m.

I had my usual mix of oats with pumpkin and banana with a spoonful of peanut butter … I soon realized that this breakfast was a little big for me, so I ended up basically eating the PB and the banana with a dash of oats on the side. I probably need to tone down breakfast as I’m less hungry in the morning and more hungry at night … food for thought, I suppose. I might try a piece of fruit with PB tomorrow and see if that’s a good size.

Lunch – 1:30 p.m.

I wasn’t in the mood for lunch today, so I distracted myself by cleaning the apartment floors and cleaning up in general. I just felt very “meh” about food around lunchtime, not really hungry at all. Lunch ended up being thrown together, and I roasted some cauliflower, broccoli, carrots, and Brussels sprouts and ate them with hummus and Toasted Sesame Dressing along with a few slices of turkey and a stick of low fat mozzarella cheese.

Workout – 1:45 – 3:00

After drinking our pre-workout, Luke and I headed to the gym quickly after lunch (it’s less crowded in the early afternoons, so that’s currently our preferred time. Today was chest day, which I like because it’s so stinkin’ HARD for me. Even though I don’t lift very heavy weights, it’s a challenge to get those 4 sets in!

We had a great workout! We both felt great afterwards. 🙂

Once we got home, Luke was immediately accosted by two kitties while I made a run to the store.

Dinner – 6:40 p.m.

For dinner, we did something different – we had two fillets of Copper River Salmon, and we decided to cook one using my Dad’s secret salmon sauce recipe … this is the “before” picture:

Gary’s Secret King Salmon Sauce (Works Well With ALL Salmon Too!)

Ingredients

  • 1 1/4 C Mayonnaise**
  • 2 Tbsp Dijon mustard
  • 1 Tbsp Dill Weed
  • 1/2 Tbsp Coarse Ground Pepper
  • 1/2 Tbsp Curry Powder
  • 2 Tsp Thyme
  • 2 Tsp Paprika
  • 2 Tsp Lemon Pepper
  • 1 Tbsp Soy Sauce
  • 2 Finely Diced Garlic Cloves
  • 1/2 Onion, Pureed (green onions can be a substitute)
  • 1/2 Juice of One Lemon

** I hate Mayonnaise with a passion, especially in the raw form. But I brave my hatred to make this sauce because it truly is delicious!

Directions

Mix all ingredients together in a bowl. Rinse salmon fillet and pat dry. Place fillet in baking dish with aluminum foil on the bottom, oil skin with olive oil and place skin side down. Cover the top of the salmon generously with secret sauce, seal up the fish with more aluminum foil, and bake in a preheated oven at 350 degrees for 33 to 40 minutes. When done, the fish should flake easily when prodded with a fork.

So that’s our secret salmon sauce recipe! 😉 We served ours with a good ol’ chopped salad (please forgive the messy plating here).

Cocktail Hour – 7:00 p.m.

I wanted my cocktail after dinner, so I had GT’s Synergy Organic Kombucha in Mystic Mango. YUM!

After my cocktail, I sipped on green tea while watching Travel Channel and playing with the kitt-lits.

Hope you had a great Saturday!

~ Mandy

An AllBirds Kinda Day

Howdy y’all! How are you doing today? Calliope kitty has taken to protecting me at night by sleeping next to my head on my pillow. She’s a watchful little thing and very loving at night, and I’m very grateful for my little kitty friends.

Breakfast – 9:35 a.m.

Breakfast was my usual fare – egg whites, bacon, and salsa. YUM! I’m planning on acquiring some sausage to mix things up a bit in the morning, but eggs and salsa are my staple.

Lunch – 12:15 p.m.

Lunch was a slice of deer meatloaf with a side of roasted Brussels sprouts, carrots, broccoli, and cauliflower drizzled with Toasted Sesame Dressing. The deer meatloaf was VERY tasty, y’all. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it.

My AllBirds Wool Loungers came today, and I couldn’t be happier with them – they’re soft, comfortable, and the Kotare Olive color is super cute for fall and winter! I will become a repeat customer for sure! 110% satisfied customer here.

Workout – 1:00 p.m.

We did arms today for about 45 minutes. Luke was tired today, but we did our best and did 4 sets of each machine. Here’s me working out my biceps:

After I did the leg press, I felt a bit vagel (that’s my word for feeling faint in the back of my head where my vagus nerve is), so I stopped there. Luke said that my shoulders are looking better, which was a positive thing to hear for me.

Once we got home, I immediately slipped back into my AllBirds, and I’m just IN LOVE with them. I also made Luke a protein smoothie. 😉

I promise that I *DO* put on makeup and perfume and wear clothes other than workout clothes – here’s my outfit for today (complete with AllBirds Loungers, obviously). My top is Free People and my pants are JAGs from a local boutique, and my little camouflage bracelet is Lokai. My necklace is my trusty James Avery Texas charm. My lips, which I just LOVE, are Jouer Long-Wear Lip Creme Liquid Lipstick in Rose Gold. Highly recommended! The rest of my makeup is minimal today and mostly drugstore products.

Snack #1 – 4:00 p.m.

I wanted some veggies as a snack, so I cut up and salted some red bell pepper, cucumber (one of my old “anorexia-safe foods”), and some baby carrots and placed them in a pine nut hummus container. Delish!Cocktail Hour – 5:00 p.m.

For my usual cocktail, I had a GT’s Kombucha in Guava Goddess. I’m proud to be 272 days alcohol-free! 😉

Dinner – 7:15 p.m.

Dinner was a bit later than usual because I was pretty full from my snack and kombucha, but that’s okay. It’s important to eat when you feel hungry, not just because it’s “time to eat, so you should eat.” I did that bullshit for years, and it did me no favors. Now I eat when I’m truly hungry.

I portioned out about 7 oz. of chicken and baked it in the oven with S+P and BBQ along with a few small sweet potato rounds. I also sauteed up some spinach and mixed it with some spaghetti squash. I placed the chicken and sweet potato on the bed of spaghetti squash and spinach and topped with some Emeril’s vodka sauce and a dash of Parmesan.Alrighty, that’s my eats and workout for the day! Have a lovely night, my friends! I’m sipping on some green tea and watching Kindred Spirits on TLC.

~ Mandy