A Fashion Show + A Touch of Mania

Howdy, howdy! How are you doing today? My belly button is still very tender from being pierced, but my nose is doing well (other than when I forget I have a new piercing and made a swipe at it!). I’m lovin’ my new piercings, y’all!

Breakfast

I made a big ol’ cup of banana pumpkin oats this morning at 7 a.m. – 1/3 C of Quaker Oats with a banana, milk, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, vanilla, and pumpkin stirred in at the end. Topped with protein granola, honey, and a spoonful of PB. Talk about yummy! I just love my pumpkin banana oats, y’all. SO GOOD. Coffee with stevia and cashew milk to drink.

Snack

By 9:30, I needed a snack since I ate breakfast so early, so I settled on salted celery with hummus and Sesame Ginger dressing.

Lunch

Lunch was roasted broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, and red bell pepper with fiesta ranch and hummus.

I wanted something with protein and minerals, so I ate some leftover deer liver too.

I received some sale goodies from Free People and Anthropologie today, so I’ll share a pic of what I’m wearing today ~

I’m wearing the Free People We The People Fancy That Tee with the Anthropologie Chenille Cardigan in Black here … this damn cardigan is SO COMFORTABLE that it’s crazy! No wonder it sold out so quickly!

Here I’m wearing the Williamsburg Faux Suede Baseball Hat in Camel with the Antuanette Velvet Bolero

.. and here I’m wearing the versatile Cloud 9 Lace Maxi Top. I can wear this all year long with shorts or long pants. Suuuuuper cute!

I’m sending back two items which didn’t quite make the cut for me – the Gemma Printed Tunic (I cannot lift my arms up in this oddly-made garment, and it’s too short to be a tunic, IMO), and the Printed What a Babe Top (it was okay, but I have two other tops similar to this one which I like better because of longer torso length, so I’ll just get my money back on it).

I also ordered Free People’s Polka Tank in black and the Chambray Butterflies Midi Dress, so I’ll review those once they come. I’m also *considering* a new pair of All Birds Loungers in gray or black, but I’m unsure right now since I’ve ordered so much stuff …. think I’ll wait on those for a while as they’re always a good price, and All Birds never has sales.

Snack

I had my usual kombucha as a snack at 4 …

… andΒ I had my usual apple with Tajin Seasoning around 5.

Dinner

I wasn’t particularly hungry for dinner, but I knew I needed to eat something, so I made a big mixed green salad with some dried cranberries, pecans, tomatoes, cucumbers, and red bell pepper topped with a (badly) fried egg and Pace Salsa. Sesame Ginger Dressing rounded it all out with a little S+P.

Mental Health

This morning, I was HYPER, y’all. Manic AF. I woke up at 5:45 a.m., I ran to the store by 7, I cleaned the house, I made food, I took a shower, all before 8 a.m. … mania is fun for me yet miserable. It’s a contradiction to describe. I get a shit ton done on my high, but I’m anxious, chatty, “zippy,” and jumpy. I finally calmed down around 10, thank goodness! I felt fine after that if not a little tired (I think my Xanax kicked in or something else).

Ok, so now I’m depressed as I’m typing this. I don’t know what happened, but I’m struggling with body image tonight. The struggle is real sometimes, y’all. I feel like this blog is stupid and that it does no good.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day,

~ Mandy

Working on Myself, for Myself, by Myself

Howdy, howdy! Happy Hump Day! How are you doing?

My digestive tract was *not* happy this morning – my lower belly was full of sharp pains and aches, and I was using the bathroom all night long! I wonder if the rich deer liver upset my tummy, but I ate it the night before last and was fine, so I’m not sure. I didn’t even really feel like coffee this morning, which means I *do not* feel well. I laid in bed for a while with my sleeping husband, and I tried to meditate away the pain. Meditation does help me when I’m hurting. Finally I got up and started moving around with this little mantra in my head:

I am indeed working hard on myself! I’m still around 122 lbs (I was 122.6 lbs this morning), and I’m working on building muscle mass and eating in a healthy way, non-eating disordered way. I’m working, working, working on myself, and it’s AMAZING to feel and see a difference in my whole persona.

Breakfast

I made pumpkin banana oatmeal for breakfast at 8:45 this morning in an attempt to soothe my intestines – 1/2 C of Quaker Oats, 1 C of cashew milk, chia seeds, hemp seeds, salt, vanilla, nutmeg, cinnamon, and a banana with pumpkin stirred in at the end. I topped it with some honey, white chocolate and cranberry granola, and a spoonful of good ol’ runny organic PB.

I ended up eating ALL of my oatmeal – I was concerned about my tummy, so I ate very slowly, but turns out that I needed all the nourishment I could get this morning. Somehow the oatmeal did soothe my gut, so I’m happy I ate it – it was delicious and healing.

After breakfast, I ran to Walmart to buy some things to make deer backstrap stir fry. I bought bok choy, broccoli, carrots, onion, mushrooms, baby corn, kale, brown rice, and a few other goodies for it!

I started with the veggies …

… and then I sauteed the marinated deer! I added stir fry sauce at the end after I mixed the deer and veg together in my giant skillet, and I made rice in the rice cooker simultaneously. Talk about an easy, healthy, and delicious meal. I sure hope Luke likes it tonight! πŸ˜‰

Lunch

I dug into one of my current obsessions to start lunch – OPAL APPLES! Y’all. Opal apples taste SO MUCH BETTER than honeycrisp … heck, they even rival my other favorite, envy apples. Honeycrisp apples don’t have much of a taste to me for some reason, but opal apples taste so clean, crisp, and have a delightful and juicy note of sweetness to them.

I felt pretty today for my psychiatrist appointment at 1:20, so I had Luke snap a pic of me with Persephone. Yes, I’m wearing my new Dolman from Anthropologie and JUST ADORE IT … more on that below, ha!

I snapped an impromptu fashion pic in the bathroom to show off my new clothing – I look a bit silly taking a picture in a mirror, but hey, I’m just being real here. I LOVE me some fashion, especially Free People and Anthropologie. I can’t believe I scored two Dolmans from Anthro during their 30% off sale – they were originally $78, and I scored them for just under $28 each. Perfect for wearing alone as a dress or with some pants! I was also wearing my James Avery Texas charm today. Nothing too fancy, but I felt pretty, which is important πŸ™‚

Right before I left for my psychiatrist appointment, I had a Gingerade Kombucha to try and soothe my intestines further … they were starting to feel a little better at this point of the day, and a kombucha hit the spot for lunch!

I had nothing but good things to say at my appointment today – I’m not losing weight, I’m eating well, I’m not throwing up at all, and the Xanax is keeping my panic attacks at bay almost fully … my Rexulti and Latuda are also keeping my moods very stable, so I’m thankful! Dr. Jenkins was thrilled with my progress. I also received two compliments on my Dolman, and Brenda the receptionist remarked on how well I’m looking, so I must be doing something right. πŸ˜‰

Upon arriving home, I found Luke playing the Xbox with a very smug Calliope sitting on top of it!

I made some cookies (simple Nestle walnut chocolate chip ones from Walmart that I picked up for $2.50) and planned on eating one or two, but my intestinal situation had flared back up, and I just didn’t want any at the time. Yuck, this intestinal shit sucks. 😦

Snack

Still feeling icky in my intestinal tract, I wanted fruit as a snack today around 3:00 as it would be light and easy on my system. I added a sprinkling of sugar to some red raspberries and black grapes (my last ones, boo) and enjoyed them with a giant mug of hot chai tea.

I also had a Chobani Flip yogurt in Peanut Butter Dream, thinking that the yogurt might help my poor system out! Plus I didn’t have much of a lunch – hello, apple and kombucha – so I needed a little more fortification for the afternoon. Man, that yogurt hit the spot! (I also took my afternoon Xanax around 3:30.)

Around 4:15, I had a handful of trail mix too!

Dinner

I started dinner off early with some raw carrots, broccoli, and cauliflower with S+P in some hummus and with some light Fiesta ranch.

And then I ended with some deer stir fry and rice. It was good but VERY filling. I think I ate too much of it as my stomach was a bit cramp-y afterwards – a smaller bowl would have sufficed, but what was done was done. (My picture is a bit dark and out of focus here, but that’s what went into my stomach!)

Alrighty, that’s all I’ve got for today! Here’s hoping you had a great one!

~ Mandy

Black Friday + An Arm Day

Howdy there! Are you enjoying Black Friday? I couldn’t resist and purchased three things on sale with 30% off from Anthropologie ~

Two Terry Dolman Dresses in XS

The Talah Eyelash Cardigan in XS I hope my purchases work out – I’m always on the lookout for cute clothes on sale, and the Dolman Dresses seem comfortable and cozy, and the Talah Eyelash Cardigan is totally my style.

Onto my EATS for the day:

Breakfast

I started my day off with a large Envy apple (I added some cinnamon) …

… and a few hours later, I had a coconut Siggi’s with fresh fruit and honey.

Lunch

Lunch was some steamed veggies – broccoli, carrots, and red bell pepper – seasoned with some Lawry’s Seasoning, and I drizzled them with some Fiesta Ranch and added a dab of hummus.

Workout

We worked out arms today for about 45 minutes. πŸ™‚ I’m looking forward to going more now that I’m feeling better. No makeup or hair done today either, but here are a few pics (one of me looking annoyed, but truly, I’m just lifting as hard as I can!) ~

Snack (s)

I had a half of a jalapeno cheddar bagel with honey mustard, Boar’s Head ham, and Boar’s Head Vermont cheddar as my snack today at 3:30.

Around 5, I had some Munchy Medley from United.

Dinner

I had some bacon ranch tuna with saltines, easy peasy.

I also had a banana with crunchy PB.

And my final meal of the day was a bowl of Progresso Light Baked Potato Soup with crackers. Green mint tea to drink.

Eating disorder be damned, I tell you, I was HUNGRY today, so I ATE.

I still need to gain some weight, and I’m working on that – I’d prefer it to be muscle weight, not fat, but if I gain a little fat, that’s okay too. Luke said today that I’m not looking nearly as bony as I was, so that’s a plus. πŸ™‚

Hope you had a happy Black Friday!

~ Mandy

 

 

 

Ultrasounds + Moods + Alcoholics and Kombucha

Howdy there! How are you today?

I got up bright and early for my ultrasound, and the results should be in by Monday, so that’s positive. My weight is down to 119 lbs today for some reason (despite eating candy due to emotional eating out of nervousness for my ultrasound), but I’m not too concerned – I’m sure it’s just a natural fluctuation because I was fasting last night and this morning.

Breakfast – 10:00 a.m.

I bought two ultimate breakfast tacos from Rosa’s Cafe and scarfed them down – I was starving after fasting! They were delicious. I also bought a chocolate mocha coffee from Roasters, our local coffee shop, and it was *divine.*

Lunch – 1:15 p.m.

I wasn’t terribly hungry after my giant breakfast, so I made my favorite veggies, roasted carrots and Brussels sprouts with Toasted Sesame Ginger Sauce, and had a turkey and provolone cheese roll-up.

Workout – 2:00 p.m. – 2:30 p.m.

My mood took a negative turn and I started crying around 2:00 … just a bipolar mood from being an empath. Luke and I went to the gym for just 30 minutes before I just couldn’t do it anymore.

At least we *went* and I tried my hardest for 30 minutes. That’s what counts, y’all. TRYING.

What *did* brighten my day and my mood was receiving this adorable shirt in the mail from Free People – it’s the We The Free Good Find Top, and man, it IS truly a good find! I also got two other items, but they are going back because they just didn’t live up to my expectations. This shirt, however, is PERFECTION. It’s comfortable, flow-y, trendy, and fun, perfect for the fall and winter … I LOVE IT! I may even buy another one with my refund money.

Snack – 4:00 p.m.

For my snack today, I had a few carrots (and some un-pictured broccoli) with hummus. Moroccan Mint Green Tea to drink.

Cocktail Hour – 6:00 p.m.

Tonight I had a Trilogy Kombucha …

On Kombucha and Being a Former Alcoholic

I had a conversation with my sister about kombucha, and she was worried because I was drinking it with my past as an alcoholic. I’m going to bring this up with my doctor next time I see him because I do not want to be harming myself in any way, but for the record, kombucha has a 0.5% – 1% naturally occurring alcohol content because of its fermentation. That’s just a little less than a non-alcoholic beer such as O’Doul’s.

I do not drink kombucha to get drunk, obviously, but I do drink it because of the health benefits, especially the healthy gut support, and because of the taste. Drinking even a little bit of alcohol at this point makes me feel very sick (see the time I made bread pudding, accidentally didn’t cook all of the alcohol out of the Kraken I used, and made myself extremely sick from eating it), and that’s the last thing I want to do to myself. But my sister made a good point – I need to ask Dr. Keister next time I see him about it, just to be sure, but I’m honestly not too concerned about my little mocktail of kombucha each night. I’ll wait to see the results of the ultrasound and go from there.

Dinner – 7:00 p.m.

Tonight I made BBQ chicken breast and veggies (cauliflower, carrots, and red bell pepper served with some Toasted Sesame Ginger Sauce). Easy peasy.

NowΒ I’m sipping on my kombucha and watching TLC’s Kindred Spirits. Hope you had a good day. Mine was so-so mood-wise, but that’s okay … some days are better than others.

~ Mandy

Question: Do you have an opinion on alcoholics and kombucha? Yay or nay?

A Moody Day

Howdy there! How are you doing today? My thoughts and prayers go out to the mass shooting in Las Vegas … how horrific. So much mental health reform is needed in this country (mentally ill criminals will never follow the law and will always be able to gain access to weaponry, so we should not disarm mentally stable, law-abiding citizens, in my personal opinion), but now is not the time to get political – now is the time for healing and much prayer.

I had to get up early for a counseling appointment, but all is well here in the Texas Panhandle. I was a *touch* moody today too, but I dealt with it just fine. Thank the Universe for meds is all I have to say today.

Breakfast – 10:00 a.m.

I had my usual egg white/bacon/sausage mix for breakfast – I tried maple bacon, and it smelled delicious while it was cooking and definitely had a hint of maple flavor! πŸ™‚ The salsa kinda dumped out on the plate, but I was cool with it – I love me some salsa. Today this breakfast was the perfect size for my tummy.

I felt so pretty for my counseling appointment that I just had to snap a pic! My vest is Anthropologie, my top is Free People, and my pants are JAGs. My trusty James Avery Texas charm and AllBirds completed the outfit. No lipstick on yet in the pic, but I wore Jouer in Pamplemousse. I look a little tired here, but I did have to get up earlier than usual, ha!

Lunch – 12:45 p.m. – 1:45 p.m.

I wasn’t in the mood for food around lunchtime, so I had a glass of milk. Weird-sounding, but I need the calcium (thank you, anorexia, for depriving my bones of calcium). I’m going to try drinking a glass everyday.

Around 1, I put some BBQ chicken and sweet potatoes in the oven. Once baked, I placed them on a bed of spaghetti squash with some vodka sauce and Parmesan.

Workout – 2:00 p.m. – 3:00 p.m

Some asshat was working in the apartment next to us with a loud saw, so we elected to quickly go to the gym in hopes that he would be done by the time we got back. We did arms today, and I was extremely glum about it because I was in a low mood suddenly after eating lunch. Yes, I’m ultimately glad that we went, but I was just in a mood. BUT I DID IT, and that’s what counts.

My back is looking a ton better. We came home, and I had a much needed coffee, which seemed to perk up my mood a bit … until that asshole next door started sawing again! GAAAH! I had to go for a drive to get away from the noise. I’m highly sensitive to noise, and loud noises like that send me over the roof.

Snack – 4:20 p.m.

After calling Luke and hearing the report that the jackass wasn’t sawing anymore, I returned home and wanted something with protein but something creamy and sweet, so I opted for a Siggi’s Mixed Berry Yogurt with some honey and macadamia nuts.

Let me tell y’all, my stomach was RAGING after this snack for some reason – I wish I hadn’t eaten it! I had to take some Pepto and suffered through some awful cramps. Perhaps it was the macadamia nuts?

The rest of the afternoon was perfect for relaxing. Luke had the day off, so he chilled with Caprica and watched a TV show. πŸ˜‰

Cocktail Hour – 5:45 p.m.

I sipped on my usual kombucha mocktail in Hibiscus Ginger tonight in an attempt to calm my upset tummy.

I broke my dinner into several parts tonight for some reason just because I was more “snacky” than hungry.

Dinner #1 – 6:25 p.m.

I roasted some carrots and broccoli and ate them in a tub of hummus. Easy peasy. Roasted carrots are my jam, y’all.

Dinner #2 – 7:00 p.m.

Luke and I split another Copper River Salmon fillet, except this time my side didn’t have Gary’s Secret Sauce on it (just too rich for my tummy). Mine was simply seasoned with S+P. My piece looks teeny in the picture, but it was a pretty good size my protein.

Luke shared his fish with Caprica ….

I may or may not have a banana or an apple with peanut butter later (depending on how late I stay up), but I’m not going to fret over posting it.

Here’s to a BRIGHTER tomorrow, my friends. XOXOXO

~ Mandy

An AllBirds Kinda Day

Howdy y’all! How are you doing today? Calliope kitty has taken to protecting me at night by sleeping next to my head on my pillow. She’s a watchful little thing and very loving at night, and I’m very grateful for my little kitty friends.

Breakfast – 9:35 a.m.

Breakfast was my usual fare – egg whites, bacon, and salsa. YUM! I’m planning on acquiring some sausage to mix things up a bit in the morning, but eggs and salsa are my staple.

Lunch – 12:15 p.m.

Lunch was a slice of deer meatloaf with a side of roasted Brussels sprouts, carrots, broccoli, and cauliflower drizzled with Toasted Sesame Dressing. The deer meatloaf was VERY tasty, y’all. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it.

My AllBirds Wool Loungers came today, and I couldn’t be happier with them – they’re soft, comfortable, and the Kotare Olive color is super cute for fall and winter! I will become a repeat customer for sure! 110% satisfied customer here.

Workout – 1:00 p.m.

We did arms today for about 45 minutes. Luke was tired today, but we did our best and did 4 sets of each machine. Here’s me working out my biceps:

After I did the leg press, I felt a bit vagel (that’s my word for feeling faint in the back of my head where my vagus nerve is), so I stopped there. Luke said that my shoulders are looking better, which was a positive thing to hear for me.

Once we got home, I immediately slipped back into my AllBirds, and I’m just IN LOVE with them. I also made Luke a protein smoothie. πŸ˜‰

I promise that I *DO* put on makeup and perfume and wear clothes other than workout clothes – here’s my outfit for today (complete with AllBirds Loungers, obviously). My top is Free People and my pants are JAGs from a local boutique, and my little camouflage bracelet is Lokai. My necklace is my trusty James Avery Texas charm.Β My lips, which I just LOVE, are Jouer Long-Wear Lip Creme Liquid Lipstick in Rose Gold. Highly recommended! The rest of my makeup is minimal today and mostly drugstore products.

Snack #1 – 4:00 p.m.

I wanted some veggies as a snack, so I cut up and salted some red bell pepper, cucumber (one of my old “anorexia-safe foods”), and some baby carrots and placed them in a pine nut hummus container. Delish!Cocktail Hour – 5:00 p.m.

For my usual cocktail, I had a GT’s Kombucha in Guava Goddess. I’m proud to be 272 days alcohol-free! πŸ˜‰

Dinner – 7:15 p.m.

Dinner was a bit later than usual because I was pretty full from my snack and kombucha, but that’s okay. It’s important to eat when you feel hungry, not just because it’s “time to eat, so you should eat.” I did that bullshit for years, and it did me no favors. Now I eat when I’m truly hungry.

I portioned out about 7 oz. of chicken and baked it in the oven with S+P and BBQ along with a few small sweet potato rounds. I also sauteed up some spinach and mixed it with some spaghetti squash. I placed the chicken and sweet potato on the bed of spaghetti squash and spinach and topped with some Emeril’s vodka sauce and a dash of Parmesan.Alrighty, that’s my eats and workout for the day! Have a lovely night, my friends! I’m sipping on some green tea and watching Kindred Spirits on TLC.

~ Mandy