A Fashion Show + A Touch of Mania

Howdy, howdy! How are you doing today? My belly button is still very tender from being pierced, but my nose is doing well (other than when I forget I have a new piercing and made a swipe at it!). I’m lovin’ my new piercings, y’all!

Breakfast

I made a big ol’ cup of banana pumpkin oats this morning at 7 a.m. – 1/3 C of Quaker Oats with a banana, milk, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, vanilla, and pumpkin stirred in at the end. Topped with protein granola, honey, and a spoonful of PB. Talk about yummy! I just love my pumpkin banana oats, y’all. SO GOOD. Coffee with stevia and cashew milk to drink.

Snack

By 9:30, I needed a snack since I ate breakfast so early, so I settled on salted celery with hummus and Sesame Ginger dressing.

Lunch

Lunch was roasted broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, and red bell pepper with fiesta ranch and hummus.

I wanted something with protein and minerals, so I ate some leftover deer liver too.

I received some sale goodies from Free People and Anthropologie today, so I’ll share a pic of what I’m wearing today ~

I’m wearing the Free People We The People Fancy That Tee with the Anthropologie Chenille Cardigan in Black here … this damn cardigan is SO COMFORTABLE that it’s crazy! No wonder it sold out so quickly!

Here I’m wearing the Williamsburg Faux Suede Baseball Hat in Camel with the Antuanette Velvet Bolero

.. and here I’m wearing the versatile Cloud 9 Lace Maxi Top. I can wear this all year long with shorts or long pants. Suuuuuper cute!

I’m sending back two items which didn’t quite make the cut for me – the Gemma Printed Tunic (I cannot lift my arms up in this oddly-made garment, and it’s too short to be a tunic, IMO), and the Printed What a Babe Top (it was okay, but I have two other tops similar to this one which I like better because of longer torso length, so I’ll just get my money back on it).

I also ordered Free People’s Polka Tank in black and the Chambray Butterflies Midi Dress, so I’ll review those once they come. I’m also *considering* a new pair of All Birds Loungers in gray or black, but I’m unsure right now since I’ve ordered so much stuff …. think I’ll wait on those for a while as they’re always a good price, and All Birds never has sales.

Snack

I had my usual kombucha as a snack at 4 …

… and I had my usual apple with Tajin Seasoning around 5.

Dinner

I wasn’t particularly hungry for dinner, but I knew I needed to eat something, so I made a big mixed green salad with some dried cranberries, pecans, tomatoes, cucumbers, and red bell pepper topped with a (badly) fried egg and Pace Salsa. Sesame Ginger Dressing rounded it all out with a little S+P.

Mental Health

This morning, I was HYPER, y’all. Manic AF. I woke up at 5:45 a.m., I ran to the store by 7, I cleaned the house, I made food, I took a shower, all before 8 a.m. … mania is fun for me yet miserable. It’s a contradiction to describe. I get a shit ton done on my high, but I’m anxious, chatty, “zippy,” and jumpy. I finally calmed down around 10, thank goodness! I felt fine after that if not a little tired (I think my Xanax kicked in or something else).

Ok, so now I’m depressed as I’m typing this. I don’t know what happened, but I’m struggling with body image tonight. The struggle is real sometimes, y’all. I feel like this blog is stupid and that it does no good.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day,

~ Mandy

Pancakes + Piercings

Hey there! How are you doing today? I’ve been a little scattered today in the brain, but that’s okay – I’m dealing with it as it comes.

The kitt lits were busy stacking themselves on our TV stand today …

… and Drogo, satisfied from his small rat, was peeking out from underneath his water dish (he can barely squeeze himself under there now, he’s getting so fat).

Breakfast

This is obviously a reenactment of my breakfast – I ate before I remembered to snap a pic, but here ya go! I had a Maple Hill yogurt with strawberries and honey. Coffee with stevia and cashew milk to drink.

Lunch

Today I branched out for lunch and helped my husband make his mother’s lovely whole wheat banana pancakes. I had three pancakes with a bit of butter and pure maple syrup.

Here’s the recipe:

Katie’s Pancakes

Put into blender:

  • 1 C grain (we used whole wheat)
  • 1 1/3 C orange juice or water (we used OJ)

Blend until thoroughly ground.

While blender is still mixing, add:

  • 1 egg
  • Pinch of salt
  • Some honey or sweetener (we used honey)
  • 1 or 2 tablespoons of oil
  • 1 banana

After it is blended, while the blender is still mixing, add 1 heaping tbsp of baking powder. Turn the blender off immediately after baking powder gets sucked in and twirled. Wait and watch the batter rise to the top of the blender.

Pour into greased pan or griddle – flip when there are bubbles on top (we sprayed Pam on the cast iron skillet each time we added a new pancake, FYI). Enjoy!

I also had a small amount of roasted carrots and broccoli and a taste of celery with hummus and Fiesta ranch dressing to add some veg to my diet. Carb-y things like pancakes don’t keep me full but veg does.

After lunch and after running an errand with Luke, I decided to do something special – I went and got my naval pierced at our awesome local American Vengeance Tattoo! I also added on a nose piercing to boot! I wanted a nice change for myself, and while I’ve had my nose pierced before, I plan on keeping this hole from closing. 🙂 I’m in a chapter of my life, and this new year seemed like a great time to do a little something-something for myself since I don’t want another tattoo right now. Tonight my belly button is tender, but my nose is fine. It’s funny – the nose piercing hurt much more than the belly button, which I wasn’t expecting at all.

Snack

I had a ‘bucha …

… and a medium Ambrosia apple with Tajin Seasoning.

Dinner

I enjoyed a simple mixed super green salad with cucumbers, tomatoes, S+P,  Sesame Ginger Dressing, and some hot rotisserie chicken breast and a scoop of leftover liver, onions, bacon, and mushrooms for din-din. Easy peasy and so tasty! I added a bit of BBQ to the chicken after taking this pic, but no biggie.

Mental Health

I had a mini-anxiety attack this morning – my eyes crossed, but I was able to keep it together … I’m glad I’m back on Xanax because I think it truly does help me.

I called my nurse and requested that I take 1 mg extended release pill 4 times a day instead of 2 mg twice a day, and she okayed this request after talking to the nurse practitioner. My pharmacy prescribed it to me a little differently this go-around because I needed extra for my trip to Seattle, and I needed it immediately, and that’s the dosage they had available. I like this dosage better than 2 mg twice a day as I think it keeps me more stable.

I also called my dear mom and chatted with her for a bit; she helps keep my mind together when I talk to her – I don’t want to wake my sleeping husband when I have these attacks, and my mom and my sister are both very available to me, which is amazing. I’m so grateful for them.

Other than that, I was pretty stable today, so I count that as a win. 😉

Hope you’ve had a fabulous day – and please remember that ED recovery and mental stability *is* possible, but it takes time and experimentation to tailor a system which is right for you and no one else!

~ Mandy

 

Purge is in the Past

Howdy there! How are you doing today?

I’m happy to report that my binge and purge urges are almost completely *gone.* Seriously, y’all, this is BEYOND thrilling – it’s something that I never thought I’d live without feeling constantly, and it’s just amazing to see the change in my brain – I’m much more stable mentally now, I’m on a positive path, and I’m just doing so well that it’s exciting (and a little scary at times).

I’m still experiencing stomach pains, yes, but I know my system is still adjusting to having food in it after nearly 18 years of binging, purging, and restricting (I can’t believe it’s been *that long,* you guys … it’s a terrible way to live, and I do not recommend it to anyone, even my worst enemies). I’m currently at about 124 lbs today (123.8 lbs, to be exact), and I’m just so happy that I’ve adjusted to feeling full (I’m still *not* adjusted to feeling overly full, but that’s understandable, and I try to avoid those situations by simply listening to my tummy), and I have adjusted to knowing that the scale will be higher during the day as I fill up my system with fluids and food.

I used to have a hard time because I was a slave to the scale – I’d step on it constantly throughout the day, and if it was even one ounce over my first weigh-in in the morning, I’d freak out and either purge or restrict or both. It was *that bad.* Now I weigh myself once a day, in the morning after I’ve used the restroom, and then I encourage myself to stay off the scale for the rest of the day as I know that my weight will be higher than my first weigh-in as the day progresses. This is HUGE progress for me, although I admit that I’m tempted to still step on the scale at times during the day.

I’m also learning to control my hunger in a positive way instead of restricting. I’m drinking a lot of water, tea, and coffee until it’s time to eat. I try to have set “eating times” – around 8 to 9 for breakfast, 12 for lunch, snack around 2-3, dinner around 6-7. I no longer count calories – I just try to eat a decent portion of whatever I’ve made and to eat only until I’m feeling comfortably full.

And you know what else is cool to me? I’m beating my ED MYSELF, not with the help of a treatment center – I obviously tried that, and it didn’t work for me. For many people, treatment centers DO help … I was just not one of those people. I had to make a choice myself, INSIDE MY HEART AND BRAIN, to get better. And because I made that choice, I’m thriving! And it’s amazing! Eating disorders are arguably a choice and yet not a choice, y’all. It’s complex. Those of us who struggle with them are wired differently somehow, and you *can* make a choice to get better – I’m proof – but it’s not a linear recovery for all, nor is it something that everyone can do, sadly.

I’m aware of the intricacy around ED’s, and I do not wish to imply that it’s easy to recover or that it is simple. Making a choice is simple enough, yes, but it’s following through and committing to that choice whole-heartedly which is decidedly complicated. Many people can recover from ED’s, and many will not. It’s an interesting conundrum to think about for me – what causes an ED, after all, is not exclusive to one thing or another. It’s so damn complicated.

In reprieve from my rant – onto my eats for the day!

Breakfast

I enjoyed 1/3 C of oatmeal with a banana, cinnamon, nutmeg, vanilla, salt, and almond milk topped with granola clusters and a spoonful of PB this morning … for some reason, this didn’t taste as good as I originally thought it would, but I was hungry and ate it anyway. I think I’m missing my pumpkin stirred in at the end, but that’s okay. The pic is a little blurry, so I do apologize.

Lunch

Right before lunch, Luke and I jump-started my damnable Kia and ran a few errands … needless to say, I was ready for lunch around 1!

Lunch today was pretty bare pickings in the apartment – I roasted some carrots and broccoli with salt and lemon pepper, and I topped my veg with fiesta ranch and hummus. I also boiled two eggs and mashed them with honey mustard, S+P. Easy peasy, lemon squeeze-y.

After lunch, I ran a few more errands (trip to the stores, anyone?) and cooked some deer liver (which Luke kindly cleaned and chopped up for me) with sauteed onions, mushrooms, and bacon, and I sauteed Luke some zucchini to take to work tonight.

Snack

I wasn’t terribly hungry for my snack today, so I stuck with a kombucha …

… and an Ambrosia apple with Tajin. Hooray for apples!

Dinner

Today’s nightly nosh was deer liver sauteed with bacon, onions, and mushrooms, and a side salad of fresh mixed greens with tomatoes and Sesame Ginger Dressing. Talk about HOLY YUM, y’all. Something about liver just always hits the spot to me, and I think it’s the iron in it or some other nutrient/mineral. This dinner was a total delight!

Mental Health

Today has been a great day mental health-wise. I’ve been in a good mood, and I felt positive and upbeat most of the day. I picked up 5 out of my 7 medications today, and that made me a very happy girl (I hate running to the pharmacy across town constantly, so this was a nice change – I just need my Xanax and my Rexulti, but I’m good on those for now, so no biggie).

In other news, I’m considering getting a belly button piercing to celebrate my victories over my eating disordered behaviors. Now, my days can be far from perfect (especially with my thoughts, but I don’t often give into them) – I’ve made so much progress that I feel it’s time to celebrate my victories in some way or another. I already have three tattoos on my wrists, so I’m not thinking I want another tattoo … I think a belly button piercing may just be the ticket! Thoughts?

Have a great one, my friends and family! 🙂

~ Mandy

New Year Updates

Howdy there! How are you doing today?

We’re low on groceries right now, so I’m keeping things simple ’round these parts today – I plan on going to the store tomorrow and making us a broccoli cheese chicken casserole, and we’re thawing a deer liver right now. I have a New Year’s cooking goal – I want to make us smaller dishes that will last only a day or two instead of baking a large casserole or dish that Luke tires of during the week. We usually waste a portion of those big casseroles, plus it’s less variety, and I want variety and smaller portioned dishes. I hope to be inspired to cook daily, and I’ll share my recipes on here if I try anything new.

I’m also inspired to eat smaller portions, just until I’m lightly full, instead of piling up a giant plate and overeating. I want to be comfortably full, not stuffed and bloated, and I also aspire to drink more water and tea throughout the day to keep my tummy nice and happy.

Now onto my simple eats for the day!

Breakfast

I needed something in my tummy around 8:30, so I had a nice big ol’ banana with PB and honey. Yum, yum! Coffee with stevia and cashew milk to drink, as always.

Calliope was asleep on the Xbox this morning, what a comfy kitty!

And Caprica, well, Caprica was where she always is – by Luke! Luke was on the phone and the computer a ton today before work trying to figure out school registration and the loan, and insurance for a car accident that he was in (it wasn’t his fault, but he still has to deal with the shit). I’m so proud of his decision to go back to school to pursue a PA degree … he’s a smart man and already has a high GPA, but he took about a year off from school to just work and clear his head. Persephone was nestled on the arm of the couch, as per usual. She has such pretty eyes … sweet, nasty kitt lit. Lunch

Around 12, I enjoyed two eggs with S+P and honey mustard and roasted broccoli and carrots with lemon pepper, hummus, and light Fiesta Ranch for lunch. Easy peasy.

TMI – I was having some diarrhea and tummy pain today, so I need to watch what I’m eating as I didn’t have *any* digestive troubles in Seattle. I need to try to replicate what I ate there – I definitely had more bread, butter, rice, more protein and yogurt, and less veggies (particularly broccoli). I ate *some* raw veggies and a few cooked veggies such as asparagus and broccolini there, so more veggies might be the cause of my diarrhea and stomach pain. So that’s where I’ll start – broccoli and other veg. I’ll try eating less of them.

Snack

I had a small Koru apple with Tajin Seasoning as a snack …

I also ate a piece of hot fresh French bread from United with a smear of butter around 3:30.

Dinner

I started dinner off with a cup of Farmer’s Market corn which we had vacuum-sealed … I just sauteed it with some butter and S+P.

A bit later (and after finding out that my car has a dead battery and won’t open, boo!), I had some smoked salmon from Seattle and some crackers. Simple but delish!

I also had some deer sausage, smoked cheddar cheese, crackers, and BBQ sauce since I was still a little hungry after the salmon.

I felt perfectly full after my dinner! Huzzah!

Mental Health

I started my day off evenly, or so I thought. When Luke started navigating his school situation around 10, I became manic for about two hours. Mania for me means feeling ‘zippy’ and hyper, sometimes anxious and chatty, as is what happened today. Then around 2 or 2:30, I fell down into a depression after taking my second Xanax for the day. Weird but not wholly unexpected after the mania. As of now, I’m trying to sort out my feelings and not fret over being low-ish … eating that carb-y piece of French bread with butter and talking to Luke for a bit before he went to work helped. Now I’m just watching Bizarre Foods America, drinking agua, and trying to stay warm! It’s a COLD COLD day out today – I believe it got to 25 degrees but is dropping as I type.

Alrighty, that’s what I’ve got for today. I’ll see if I pull a post together tomorrow or not.

Have a great night, my friends and family!

~ Mandy

 

Sunday Eats

Howdy there! Yesterday I documented my eats for fun – it’s not something I aspire to do daily, but when I get a hair up my ass, I like to do it.

I was a bit low and out of it for most of the day … mood disorders are just like that sometimes. I exhausted myself by just simply existing today, but that’s okay – tomorrow will be better, I just know it! I’m just feeling a bit run down today. Depression is like having a gigantic, sad fog over your brain that’s constantly pushing and pushing you to go down, down, down … it’s hard to explain to those who’ve never experienced it.

Anyway, this is pretty representative of what I eat during the day on most days. I’m finally figuring out my stomach’s natural cues for when it’s hungry and when it’s not, which is excellent news!

Breakfast

I was up before the sun, as usual – I ate breakfast around 7:15 this morning, and it was delish! Today I had pumpkin banana oats with granola and PB in an almost-empty PB jar … coffee to drink!

My big breakfast held me over very well until lunchtime, so I was very happy with that!

Lunch

I kept lunch pretty straightforward – I seasoned and roasted carrots, baby red potatoes, and broccoli around 12, and I ate them with hummus and avocado ranch dressing.

My lunch was a bit too acidic for my stomach, so I took some Pepto Bismol and drank a mug of hot green tea.

Snack

I had some carrots and broccoli with hummus and light honey mustard dressing for my snack around 3:30. Again, probably a bit acidic, but hey, it tasted great to me.

I also had a kombucha around 5.

Dinner

At 6, I had a small portion leftover rice and venison stir fry.

Ok y’all, this really wasn’t my best day of eating – I usually eat a little more substantially, but I wasn’t feeling great, so I didn’t eat as much. You win some, you lose some (I didn’t really lose, I didn’t throw up or restrict, I just ate what my tummy wanted).

Hope you have a Happy Monday!

~ Mandy

Saturday Musings – Recovery Isn’t Easy, Medications Make You Stronger, A Workout, and Filet Mignon

Howdy there and Happy Saturday! My day has been fabulous, and I hope yours has too!

I want to talk more about recovery today. Recovery is *hard,* y’all. It’s definitely not linear, but I truly feel that I’ve gotten through the harder parts of it and am coasting into an easier transition with loving my body at a higher weight, eating a healthy variety of foods, and exercising. I found this image online, and it speaks the simple truth: Obviously I relapsed earlier this fall when I hit 110 lbs, so yes, recovery isn’t linear to me at all, and it *still* isn’t. I’m doing my best not to regress or stagnate in any areas, although I admit that I struggle when I step on the scale and see a number that’s higher than I’m used to seeing for so many years. I do wake up and immediately wonder what my weight is today … my routine is to get out of bed, go to the bathroom, put in my contacts, take off my clothes, and then weigh myself. I’d like to change this routine and simply weigh myself a few times a week, not everyday, but right now, it’s what I’ve been doing.

Honestly though, I’m feeling less anxiety over seeing the number on the scale and am slowly just letting it be. If I weigh a few pounds over my “happy weight,” then I’m okay with that, and that’s exactly what happened today – I weighed 2 lbs over my current average weight, and I didn’t let it sabotage the rest of my day. I simply thought “okay, well that’s what my body wants to weigh today, so be it!” and went along with my life. I didn’t punish myself for my weight, I didn’t freak out … I just made myself some oatmeal with pumpkin, banana, and PB and enjoyed breakfast without a thought of restricting or purging, and then I went about my morning without much thought of that silly ol’ number.

This little piece (also found on the Internet) spoke to me today too …

This all is SO TRUE. I am growing stronger because I know my weaknesses and am learning to combat them in a constructive way, I am much wiser from my mistakes in the past (which is just that – the past), and I can laugh because I have known great sadness in my life. My ED was a cause of much of my issues for 18 years (not to mention alcoholism, bipolar disorder, etc.), and now I’m moving past them and can truly enjoy just being the *Mandy* I know I am inside! And she’s a joyful, grateful, humbled person, a person that I’m learning to love. Indeed, you don’t need to be perfect – I’m trying to be inspiring with how I deal with my imperfections, as I’ve struggled for so stinkin’ long and am just now truly learning how to channel my old destructive habits into positive ones:

And I know this image (found on the ‘Net) is hard to read, but it screamed out to me “POST ME ON THE BLOG,” so I’m going to:

If you can’t read it, it says “Taking medication does not, and will not ever, make you weak.” A THOUSAND TIMES YES. I’m on a gigantic medication cocktail due to my bipolar disorder, panic disorder, and PTSD, and medication does not make me weak, In fact, it makes me stronger as it keeps me as STABLE as it possibly can. Some days are better than others in the mood and anxiety department, yes, but I can sit here and type in truth that my meds are lifesavers for me, and I’m very grateful for my psychiatrist and counselor. If it were back in the 1930’s, I’m sure I would have already wound up in a mental institution, and we all know the horror stories about those, so I’m very blessed to have my meds and my doctors.

Alrighty, that’s my “eating disorder and mental health awareness” spiel for the day, but I want to share a few bites and pieces from my Saturday with you all, since it was a very good day. 🙂

Luke and I had an *amazing* and *hard* workout this afternoon – we did chest and arms, and man oh man, did I ever get quite the pump going!

I started laughing when Luke took my pictures today – I’m not sure what was so funny, but something tickled my funny bone, and there you have it!

After our workout, we ran to United (thank goodness we didn’t try Walmart, Luke said it looked PACKED) for some artichokes, and I spotted me something very interesting that I just *had* to try ~ a bin of GINORMOUS Pazazz apples. I’ve never heard of this variety, and Luke told me to buy one just for the novelty … we’ll see how it tastes!

After the store, we relaxed and started dinner … while we were boiling some artichokes, Luke was playing on the Xbox, and Caprica immediately took the opportunity for snuggles with Daddy. So precious! The kitty looks thrilled, but Luke looks pissed because his Destiny team being shitty, and they lost their round, ha!

My Dad gave us two Filet Mignon steaks for Christmas and we decided to cook them up tonight along with some fresh Farmer’s Market corn (and artichokes, of course!). We like our steak rare, so that’s exactly how we cooked them, yum!

My cocktail for the night was kombucha while Luke had Bourbon.

Talk about a DELIGHTFUL meal. Luke said it was one of the best steaks he’s ever cooked, and I have to agree with him – it had the perfect crust on the outside and was juicy, red, and tender on the inside!

I had a piece of toffee as dessert, so huzzah for a GREAT meal! Hubs did most of the cooking on this one, and I truly appreciate it! 🙂

Anyway, here’s to a good night and a great day! I hope posting my thoughts about ED’s and mental illness helps someone somewhere out. You are loved, you are valued, and you are meant to be strong! Keep the faith, my friends! 🙂

~ Mandy

 

 

Working on Myself, for Myself, by Myself

Howdy, howdy! Happy Hump Day! How are you doing?

My digestive tract was *not* happy this morning – my lower belly was full of sharp pains and aches, and I was using the bathroom all night long! I wonder if the rich deer liver upset my tummy, but I ate it the night before last and was fine, so I’m not sure. I didn’t even really feel like coffee this morning, which means I *do not* feel well. I laid in bed for a while with my sleeping husband, and I tried to meditate away the pain. Meditation does help me when I’m hurting. Finally I got up and started moving around with this little mantra in my head:

I am indeed working hard on myself! I’m still around 122 lbs (I was 122.6 lbs this morning), and I’m working on building muscle mass and eating in a healthy way, non-eating disordered way. I’m working, working, working on myself, and it’s AMAZING to feel and see a difference in my whole persona.

Breakfast

I made pumpkin banana oatmeal for breakfast at 8:45 this morning in an attempt to soothe my intestines – 1/2 C of Quaker Oats, 1 C of cashew milk, chia seeds, hemp seeds, salt, vanilla, nutmeg, cinnamon, and a banana with pumpkin stirred in at the end. I topped it with some honey, white chocolate and cranberry granola, and a spoonful of good ol’ runny organic PB.

I ended up eating ALL of my oatmeal – I was concerned about my tummy, so I ate very slowly, but turns out that I needed all the nourishment I could get this morning. Somehow the oatmeal did soothe my gut, so I’m happy I ate it – it was delicious and healing.

After breakfast, I ran to Walmart to buy some things to make deer backstrap stir fry. I bought bok choy, broccoli, carrots, onion, mushrooms, baby corn, kale, brown rice, and a few other goodies for it!

I started with the veggies …

… and then I sauteed the marinated deer! I added stir fry sauce at the end after I mixed the deer and veg together in my giant skillet, and I made rice in the rice cooker simultaneously. Talk about an easy, healthy, and delicious meal. I sure hope Luke likes it tonight! 😉

Lunch

I dug into one of my current obsessions to start lunch – OPAL APPLES! Y’all. Opal apples taste SO MUCH BETTER than honeycrisp … heck, they even rival my other favorite, envy apples. Honeycrisp apples don’t have much of a taste to me for some reason, but opal apples taste so clean, crisp, and have a delightful and juicy note of sweetness to them.

I felt pretty today for my psychiatrist appointment at 1:20, so I had Luke snap a pic of me with Persephone. Yes, I’m wearing my new Dolman from Anthropologie and JUST ADORE IT … more on that below, ha!

I snapped an impromptu fashion pic in the bathroom to show off my new clothing – I look a bit silly taking a picture in a mirror, but hey, I’m just being real here. I LOVE me some fashion, especially Free People and Anthropologie. I can’t believe I scored two Dolmans from Anthro during their 30% off sale – they were originally $78, and I scored them for just under $28 each. Perfect for wearing alone as a dress or with some pants! I was also wearing my James Avery Texas charm today. Nothing too fancy, but I felt pretty, which is important 🙂

Right before I left for my psychiatrist appointment, I had a Gingerade Kombucha to try and soothe my intestines further … they were starting to feel a little better at this point of the day, and a kombucha hit the spot for lunch!

I had nothing but good things to say at my appointment today – I’m not losing weight, I’m eating well, I’m not throwing up at all, and the Xanax is keeping my panic attacks at bay almost fully … my Rexulti and Latuda are also keeping my moods very stable, so I’m thankful! Dr. Jenkins was thrilled with my progress. I also received two compliments on my Dolman, and Brenda the receptionist remarked on how well I’m looking, so I must be doing something right. 😉

Upon arriving home, I found Luke playing the Xbox with a very smug Calliope sitting on top of it!

I made some cookies (simple Nestle walnut chocolate chip ones from Walmart that I picked up for $2.50) and planned on eating one or two, but my intestinal situation had flared back up, and I just didn’t want any at the time. Yuck, this intestinal shit sucks. 😦

Snack

Still feeling icky in my intestinal tract, I wanted fruit as a snack today around 3:00 as it would be light and easy on my system. I added a sprinkling of sugar to some red raspberries and black grapes (my last ones, boo) and enjoyed them with a giant mug of hot chai tea.

I also had a Chobani Flip yogurt in Peanut Butter Dream, thinking that the yogurt might help my poor system out! Plus I didn’t have much of a lunch – hello, apple and kombucha – so I needed a little more fortification for the afternoon. Man, that yogurt hit the spot! (I also took my afternoon Xanax around 3:30.)

Around 4:15, I had a handful of trail mix too!

Dinner

I started dinner off early with some raw carrots, broccoli, and cauliflower with S+P in some hummus and with some light Fiesta ranch.

And then I ended with some deer stir fry and rice. It was good but VERY filling. I think I ate too much of it as my stomach was a bit cramp-y afterwards – a smaller bowl would have sufficed, but what was done was done. (My picture is a bit dark and out of focus here, but that’s what went into my stomach!)

Alrighty, that’s all I’ve got for today! Here’s hoping you had a great one!

~ Mandy