Jumpsuits + Mania

Howdy there! How are you doing today? I tried doing sit ups this morning, and man oh man, I was too sore to do them, so it was a rest day for my abs. I did several hundred sit ups yesterday, after all, so they needed to chill out today. I had quite the interesting and crazy day, so let’s begin with breakfast!

Breakfast

I had my usual three egg scramble around 8 this morning along with three slices of turkey bacon and two turkey sausages. Coffee with stevia and cashew milk to drink. This is my go-to breakfast at this point, y’all.

I had a banana with almond butter around 10 too. I get hungrier in the mornings now that I’m working out daily.

Lunch

I roasted some carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, and eggplant with EVOO and S+P, and I ate them on a small bed of spinach with some roasted red pepper sauce and a Dr. Praeger’s veggie burger. A pretty straightforward lunch – veggies + a type of protein (we’re low on protein right now, so I reached for a veggie burger today).

In the early afternoon, I had MAJOR ANXIETY. I’m not sure if I was semi-manic plus had anxiety or not, but it certainly felt that way. I was zippy but too out-of-sorts to do anything productive. Soon enough, I calmed down after a few extra Gapabentin, and I was able to feel more like myself (until later, as you’ll soon see).

Luke was napping, and Calliope made herself very comfortable next to his leg! So stinkin’ cute!

Snack

Around 3, I had a mango with Tajin Seasoning and some Orange Cinnamon Tea from Seattle.

I was also needing some carbs, so I had some pretzels and hummus. 🙂 Yummy. Those tasted so DELIGHTFUL. I’m trying to watch my bread-y carb intake, but I needed some pretzels this afternoon.

Mental Health and Eating Disorder Discussion

Soon after my snack, I became MANIC AF, y’all. I CLEANED and CLEANED and CLEANED. Seriously, I got under the couch, table, bed, in the crevices, EVERYWHERE – just imagine cat hair flying around like crazy and me chasing it around with the vacuum.

AHHHH, mania can be FUN. But make no mistake, it’s a hellish type of fun, I assure you … you’re literally OUT OF CONTROL of your mind and are zippy, zippy, zippy … you feel like you can do ANYTHING, no limits … this has gotten me into trouble before though, so I try to keep my activities to deep cleaning and working out. (I also try not to drive while manic, so thankfully the gym is within walking distance of the apartment).

As I was taking out the trash in a most manic fashion (sans shoes and wearing only socks, a crop top, and joggers in 46 degree weather), the mailman came with my coveted package from Free People – I had ordered the Olympus Longline jumpsuit, and it finally came! I ordered an XS, and it fits PERFECTLY! Here’s a pic of me, sans makeup and looking crazy AF, in my new duds. HUZZAH!

I told ya I was getting more muscular around my middle, and it really shows in this pic – I’m coming to terms with it, and I’m realizing how *strong* my body was meant to be, not skinny and frail. I’m getting STRONGER, HEALTHIER, HAPPIER, and if you struggle with an eating disorder, YOU CAN TOO. I’ve struggled for nearly 18 years, and at 33 years old, I’m taking back my life and my sanity. It’s totally doable … and I’m just here to share my story and encourage others to do the same.

I’m REALLY looking forward to having bigger biceps and triceps, and I’m on my way! I just want to be bigger all around, muscular and looking like I could kick some ass and not be a shrimp. Truth be told, I felt so BEAUTIFUL in these pictures, even though my hair and makeup weren’t done at all. I felt powerful, ready to take on the world (but that’s also part of the mania).

Remember when I used to look like this about half a year ago?

I am no longer that girl, and I *never want to be that girl again.* I am a strong woman who is working on getting her gains and health back! Since that picture, I’d say I’ve put on about 20-23 lbs … I don’t weigh everyday anymore, so I’m not certain of my current weight, but I’d say it’s between around the high 120’s and the low 130’s.

Workout

(As a side note, the water in our apartment wasn’t turning on after I was done with the majority of my cleaning, so I ran down to the office … they said a pipe burst and that they were working on it, poop!)

Since the water was out and I couldn’t clean more without it, I decided to put my mania to good use and went to the gym – I did the elliptical for 30 minutes at breakneck speed and felt MUCH better. If you struggle with mania, I *highly* suggest the gym. It’s so therapeutic and gets out the zippy energy. I left the gym feeling amazing.

Dinner

After my workout, I wasn’t feeling too hungry at all, but I had a tangelo with Tajin.

I was feeling more snacky than hungry around 6:30, so I had some Boar’s Head turkey with cheddar cheese and red pepper dressing. Protein, delicious protein! 😉 Tea to drink.

For dessert around 7:15, I had a Brown Cow raspberry yogurt with fresh raspberries and honey. All I can say is DELICIOUS. I am a huge fan of Brown Cow’s consistency and taste.

And that, my friends, concludes my crazy day. Again, I hope I’m helping others out there with eating disordered behaviors by posting my meals every now and then, and I hope I’m helping people with bipolar disorder and/or panic disorder too. My little blog is a rather fun hobby, but I’m hoping that I’m ultimately helping others by posting on here. 🙂

Until next time,

~ Mandy

A 48 Hour Panic Attack + Snick Snacking

Howdy there! How are you doing today?

I’m recovering from a 48 hour-straight panic attack – I didn’t sleep at all during this time. It was TERRIBLE. My body is sore all over from being so tense, and my tongue has sores from the hyperventilating. That’s primarily why I’ve been MIA on the blog for a few days. 😦  Panic attacks are hell on wheels – I have hot and cold flashes, I can’t see straight, my mouth gapes, and my body becomes completely tense, especially my lower back and neck. EPIC FAIL, y’all. Pure misery for 48 hours. Oh well, I’m glad it’s over and I’m back to normal now. My mental health is so fragile sometimes.

In happier news, Luke got a new truck yesterday! Huzzah! Merry Christmas to Luke! 🙂

On the eating front, I’ve been snick-snacking, and it seems to work well for me. I eat a little bite here and there, and I’m finding that it suits me better than eating bigger meals, so today you’ll see my meals broken up into smaller pieces,

Breakfast

I started breakfast off with an Envy apple and coffee around 8:30 …

… I finished a bit later around 10 with a cup of Raisin Bran Crunch and milk.

And around 11:15, I had a cup of V8.

Lunch

I kicked lunch off with some steamed carrots and broccoli with Sriracha ranch and hummus …

… and I also had some baked chicken and corn.

After lunch, Luke and I went to both Walmart and United in hopes that we wouldn’t get caught up in the Thanksgiving crowd, but thankfully we were IN and OUT in record speed (we went earlier than the after-work crowd, and I think that helped).

Once home, I started on the Pioneer Woman’s lasagna with deer meat instead of ground beef. You can’t taste the difference at all! I also mix shredded mozzarella into the cottage cheese mixture instead of using slices, but the principle remains the same (I learned that trick from my dear Mom). 😉

Snack

As a snack around 4, I had some fresh fruit. Can we just TALK about how much I love fruit because I DO!

I also had a Siggi’s Coconut Yogurt with honey …

Dinner

I wasn’t too hungry for dinner, so I had a simple salad with organic greens, cucumbers, broccoli, and carrots with light Fiesta Ranch. Ginger Root Beer Zevia to drink.

I also had half of a ham sandwich made with Boar’s Head Ham, Boar’s Head Cheddar, and honey mustard. Easy peasy.

Alrighty, that’s all I got for today! Hope you had a good one!

~ Mandy

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eating Like a Wonder Woman

Hello, hello! How are you doing today? My kitt lits were being sleepy little buggers this morning, except for Persephone, who is always awake and meowing for pets when I make coffee.

I’m especially thankful for my kitties – my poor sister had her beloved chinchilla Chico put to sleep today, and it reminds me that our furry friends may not be with us as long as we’d like, but they’ll always remain in our hearts. The kitt lits will be receiving extra pets tonight.

I’m happy to report that I’m *finally* adjusted to my Xanax dosage, and I’m feeling a shit-ton better. Med changes suck, but they’re necessary sometimes, especially in my case with the panic disorder diagnosis. Yes, I still have panic attacks about once a week, but they last only an hour or so, not 6-7 hours, so I count that as major improvement.

As for my eating, I’ve made major improvements there too. I’m trying to eat high fiber and high protein for the most part – my goal is to eat three times a day, little to no snacking. My pictures are sometimes broken into several parts because I eat a bite of this and that for my meals. My weight is steadily around 120 – 122 lbs at this point (I’m 5’10”), and I’m chasing muscle mass at this point despite two weeks without going to the gym because of the med switch.

Breakfast

I woke up craving something very savory and sweet, so I made oatmeal! My mix was 1/3 C of Quaker Oats, cashew milk, a banana, 1 tbsp of chia seeds, 1 tbsp of hemp seeds, salt, vanilla, nutmeg, and cinnamon. Pumpkin stirred in at the end with a spoonful of crunchy PB! I had an empty PB jar, which is rare because I eat it so sparingly, so I put my oat mix into that (bonus: no dish is dirtied!). Coffee to drink.

Lunch

Today I had three hard boiled eggs, a piece of whole wheat toast with cream cheese and raspberry jam, and steamed broccoli and carrots with some Sriracha ranch.

I also had an Envy apple with cinnamon.

Workout

I had an appointment to take care of this afternoon, so Luke went to the gym without me and did arms. Hopefully I’ll go tomorrow. 🙂 I felt pretty today in my Wonder Woman sweater, so I had Luke snap a pic. Wonder Woman is my hero, dontcha know.

Snack

I did need a snack today, so I had some steamed carrots and cauliflower with hummus and honey mustard dressing. Ginger root beer Zevia to drink. I just love Zevia, it’s a great alternative to soda.

Dinner

I had half of a tasty ham sandwich (honey wheat whole grain bread, Boar’s Head ham and cheddar, and baby arugula with honey mustard) and two pickles …

… and a Siggi’s vanilla yogurt with raspberries and honey.

Alrighty, those are my eats for the day! May tomorrow be filled with workouts and joy!

~ Mandy