Howdy there! How are you doing today? I tried doing sit ups this morning, and man oh man, I was too sore to do them, so it was a rest day for my abs. I did several hundred sit ups yesterday, after all, so they needed to chill out today. I had quite the interesting and crazy day, so let’s begin with breakfast!
I had my usual three egg scramble around 8 this morning along with three slices of turkey bacon and two turkey sausages. Coffee with stevia and cashew milk to drink. This is my go-to breakfast at this point, y’all.
I roasted some carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, and eggplant with EVOO and S+P, and I ate them on a small bed of spinach with some roasted red pepper sauce and a Dr. Praeger’s veggie burger. A pretty straightforward lunch – veggies + a type of protein (we’re low on protein right now, so I reached for a veggie burger today).
In the early afternoon, I had MAJOR ANXIETY. I’m not sure if I was semi-manic plus had anxiety or not, but it certainly felt that way. I was zippy but too out-of-sorts to do anything productive. Soon enough, I calmed down after a few extra Gapabentin, and I was able to feel more like myself (until later, as you’ll soon see).
Luke was napping, and Calliope made herself very comfortable next to his leg! So stinkin’ cute!
Around 3, I had a mango with Tajin Seasoning and some Orange Cinnamon Tea from Seattle.
Soon after my snack, I became MANIC AF, y’all. I CLEANED and CLEANED and CLEANED. Seriously, I got under the couch, table, bed, in the crevices, EVERYWHERE – just imagine cat hair flying around like crazy and me chasing it around with the vacuum.
AHHHH, mania can be FUN. But make no mistake, it’s a hellish type of fun, I assure you … you’re literally OUT OF CONTROL of your mind and are zippy, zippy, zippy … you feel like you can do ANYTHING, no limits … this has gotten me into trouble before though, so I try to keep my activities to deep cleaning and working out. (I also try not to drive while manic, so thankfully the gym is within walking distance of the apartment).
As I was taking out the trash in a most manic fashion (sans shoes and wearing only socks, a crop top, and joggers in 46 degree weather), the mailman came with my coveted package from Free People – I had ordered the Olympus Longline jumpsuit, and it finally came! I ordered an XS, and it fits PERFECTLY! Here’s a pic of me, sans makeup and looking crazy AF, in my new duds. HUZZAH!
I told ya I was getting more muscular around my middle, and it really shows in this pic – I’m coming to terms with it, and I’m realizing how *strong* my body was meant to be, not skinny and frail. I’m getting STRONGER, HEALTHIER, HAPPIER, and if you struggle with an eating disorder, YOU CAN TOO. I’ve struggled for nearly 18 years, and at 33 years old, I’m taking back my life and my sanity. It’s totally doable … and I’m just here to share my story and encourage others to do the same.
I’m REALLY looking forward to having bigger biceps and triceps, and I’m on my way! I just want to be bigger all around, muscular and looking like I could kick some ass and not be a shrimp. Truth be told, I felt so BEAUTIFUL in these pictures, even though my hair and makeup weren’t done at all. I felt powerful, ready to take on the world (but that’s also part of the mania).
Remember when I used to look like this about half a year ago?
I am no longer that girl, and I *never want to be that girl again.* I am a strong woman who is working on getting her gains and health back! Since that picture, I’d say I’ve put on about 20-23 lbs … I don’t weigh everyday anymore, so I’m not certain of my current weight, but I’d say it’s between around the high 120’s and the low 130’s.
(As a side note, the water in our apartment wasn’t turning on after I was done with the majority of my cleaning, so I ran down to the office … they said a pipe burst and that they were working on it, poop!)
Since the water was out and I couldn’t clean more without it, I decided to put my mania to good use and went to the gym – I did the elliptical for 30 minutes at breakneck speed and felt MUCH better. If you struggle with mania, I *highly* suggest the gym. It’s so therapeutic and gets out the zippy energy. I left the gym feeling amazing.
After my workout, I wasn’t feeling too hungry at all, but I had a tangelo with Tajin.
And that, my friends, concludes my crazy day. Again, I hope I’m helping others out there with eating disordered behaviors by posting my meals every now and then, and I hope I’m helping people with bipolar disorder and/or panic disorder too. My little blog is a rather fun hobby, but I’m hoping that I’m ultimately helping others by posting on here. 🙂
Until next time,