Intuitive Eating + It’s Damn COLD Out!

Howdy there! How are you doing today? It’s 8 degrees out, yay! (Not really, I despise the cold with a passion … I am the girl who sleeps cuddled up in a nightgown, bathrobe, and fuzzy socks at night – very sexy, I know!)

Eating Disorder Discussion and Intuitive Eating

My eating habits are similar to this particular day in general – as you see, I eat a ton in the mornings, have a goodly lunch and then I snick-snack more throughout the afternoon and evening unless I’m really hungry and need an actual meal. I also try to plan my meals ahead of time – not *too much ahead of time* but I like to start thinking about what I’m having for lunch soon after I’ve had breakfast, and so on. Yes, I probably think about food more than the average person, but that’s okay – it’s a remnant of my old eating disordered behaviors, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing at this point. See, if Luke and I plan on having a bigger meal for dinner (such as fried venison with homemade gravy, a steak, fish with veggies, going out to eat, etc.), I try to eat less during the day. Usually I just follow my instincts and my stomach when it comes to intuitive eating (I’m becoming an intuitive eater and truly believe in it!).

Mood Today

I was much more stable today than I was yesterday, thank goodness. No mania, just a touch of depression in the early afternoon. My moods did pretty well today, so I count that as a win!


I started my day off with an opal apple … no PB or Tajin on it, just a good ol’ apple. I needed something in my stomach soon after I woke up, and that was just the ticket.

And then about an hour later, I made banana pumpkin oatmeal with protein granola and a maple syrup drizzle (no almond butter today b/c we were out of it, poop!). But I must say that I didn’t really *miss* my usual nut butter today. In fact, maple syrup was a nice change for me, so I may forgo nut butters more often in the future on my oatmeal. Oatmeal is a bit of a calorie bomb even without it (especially the way I fix my oatmeal), but I do love me some hot oats on a chilly-ass day.

I had a very productive morning despite the chill in the air – I picked up my meds, went to Whataburger with Luke to get him some breakfast, and we also dropped off our tax info to the accountant. Then we ran to United to grab a few things like chicken breasts and yogurt (I wanted chicken for my lunch).

While I made lunch, Luke and Caprica snuggled. πŸ™‚


I tried a Parmesan-covered chicken breast from United today – I baked it along with Brussels sprouts, cauliflower, and carrots and placed them all on a bed of spinach. I drizzled some jalapeno ranch over the veggies and a bit of messy and clumpy BBQ on the chicken. πŸ˜‰ That Parmesan chicken, y’all – SO GOOD. A very filling and satisfying meal indeed … so filling that I had no interest in a snack this afternoon at all.

After lunch, Luke and I chilled out (Luke took a nap), and then I braved the cold once again to hit up Walmart for some essentials.

Workout + Adjusting to My Body Changing

Today at 4, Luke and I hit up Verdure (our swanky new gym next to the apartment) to do CHEST DAY! We were there about 45 minutes (Luke is working out again with a friend tonight, so he took it a slight bit easier than usual … I, on the other hand, did not take it easy!), and we had a great workout.

I have to admit, I was just in a “so so” mood until we hit the gym – I think I was getting tired or something (I’d been running around all day), but the gym cured what ailed me. That’s why I go, y’all. It’s helping cure my issues, building up my body, mind, and soul.

As you can see in my pics above, my stomach area is getting much thicker from the front where my abs are but not from the side. I’m still *adjusting* to this development, and sometimes it’s not easy to look in the mirror, especially after I’ve eaten a big meal (see: my lunch). That’s just part of it, I suppose, but I need to keep my eyes on the prize and not fret over my fading body dysmorphia. Yes, it still rears it’s ugly head from time to time, and I still cry over my body on rare occasions, but it’s slowly dying away, and I couldn’t be more grateful.

After the gym, I had a cup of coconut pineapple water. Yum! I sure needed that! πŸ˜‰


I was more “snacky” and thirsty than truly hungry for dinner, so here’s what I had:

Some sticks of celery and a few pretzels with hummus and salsa …

… I also had a most refreshing kombucha which I sipped on for about an hour while watching Expedition Unknown …… and then I had a giant mug of Cinnamon Orange tea from Seattle with a touch of stevia. I just wasn’t very hungry at all – in fact, I had a tummy ache and took a few tums to see if they wouldn’t help. I blame my gigantic, protein-filled lunch (I practically ate the entire chicken breast, y’all). This tasty tea soothed my achy stomach and was such a treat!

I’m going to try something new, as you might have noticed today, and post in the mornings as an effort to reach out to more readers! So this post was technically yesterday’s evening post. I just want to expand my readership if I can … not really sure how except to just write, take pics, and share my experiences … and I’m on BlogLovin’ … any ideas about how to reach out to more readers, y’all?

~ Mandy



Jumpsuits + Mania

Howdy there! How are you doing today? I tried doing sit ups this morning, and man oh man,Β I was too sore to do them, so it was a rest day for my abs. I did several hundred sit ups yesterday, after all, so they needed to chill out today. I had quite the interesting and crazy day, so let’s begin with breakfast!


I had my usual three egg scramble around 8 this morning along with three slices of turkey bacon and two turkey sausages. Coffee with stevia and cashew milk to drink. This is my go-to breakfast at this point, y’all.

I had a banana with almond butter around 10 too. I get hungrier in the mornings now that I’m working out daily.


I roasted some carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, and eggplant with EVOO and S+P, and I ate them on a small bed of spinach with some roasted red pepper sauce and a Dr. Praeger’s veggie burger. A pretty straightforward lunch – veggies + a type of protein (we’re low on protein right now, so I reached for a veggie burger today).

In the early afternoon, I had MAJOR ANXIETY. I’m not sure if I was semi-manic plus had anxiety or not, but it certainly felt that way. I was zippy but too out-of-sorts to do anything productive. Soon enough, I calmed down after a few extra Gapabentin, and I was able to feel more like myself (until later, as you’ll soon see).

Luke was napping, and Calliope made herself very comfortable next to his leg! So stinkin’ cute!


Around 3, I had a mango with Tajin Seasoning and some Orange Cinnamon Tea from Seattle.

I was also needing some carbs, so I had some pretzels and hummus. πŸ™‚ Yummy. Those tasted so DELIGHTFUL. I’m trying to watch my bread-y carb intake, but I needed some pretzels this afternoon.

Mental Health and Eating Disorder Discussion

Soon after my snack, I became MANIC AF, y’all. I CLEANED and CLEANED and CLEANED. Seriously, I got under the couch, table, bed, in the crevices, EVERYWHERE – just imagine cat hair flying around like crazy and me chasing it around with the vacuum.

AHHHH, mania can be FUN. But make no mistake, it’s a hellish type of fun, I assure you … you’re literally OUT OF CONTROL of your mind and are zippy, zippy, zippy … you feel like you can do ANYTHING, no limits … this has gotten me into trouble before though, so I try to keep my activities to deep cleaning and working out. (I also try not to drive while manic, so thankfully the gym is within walking distance of the apartment).

As I was taking out the trash in a most manic fashion (sans shoes and wearing only socks, a crop top, and joggers in 46 degree weather), the mailman came with my coveted package from Free People – I had ordered the Olympus Longline jumpsuit, and it finally came! I ordered an XS, and it fits PERFECTLY! Here’s a pic of me, sans makeup and looking crazy AF, in my new duds. HUZZAH!

I told ya I was getting more muscular around my middle, and it really shows in this pic – I’m coming to terms with it, and I’m realizing how *strong* my body was meant to be, not skinny and frail. I’m getting STRONGER, HEALTHIER, HAPPIER, and if you struggle with an eating disorder, YOU CAN TOO. I’ve struggled for nearly 18 years, and at 33 years old, I’m taking back my life and my sanity. It’s totally doable … and I’m just here to share my story and encourage others to do the same.

I’m REALLY looking forward to having bigger biceps and triceps, and I’m on my way! I just want to be bigger all around, muscular and looking like I could kick some ass and not be a shrimp. Truth be told, I felt so BEAUTIFUL in these pictures, even though my hair and makeup weren’t done at all. I felt powerful, ready to take on the world (but that’s also part of the mania).

Remember when I used to look like this about half a year ago?

I am no longer that girl, and I *never want to be that girl again.* I am a strong woman who is working on getting her gains and health back! Since that picture, I’d say I’ve put on about 20-23 lbs … I don’t weigh everyday anymore, so I’m not certain of my current weight, but I’d say it’s between around the high 120’s and the low 130’s.


(As a side note, the water in our apartment wasn’t turning on after I was done with the majority of my cleaning, so I ran down to the office … they said a pipe burst and that they were working on it, poop!)

Since the water was out and I couldn’t clean more without it, I decided to put my mania to good use and went to the gym – I did the elliptical for 30 minutes at breakneck speed and felt MUCH better. If you struggle with mania, I *highly* suggest the gym. It’s so therapeutic and gets out the zippy energy. I left the gym feeling amazing.


After my workout, I wasn’t feeling too hungry at all, but I had a tangelo with Tajin.

I was feeling more snacky than hungry around 6:30, so I had some Boar’s Head turkey with cheddar cheese and red pepper dressing. Protein, delicious protein! πŸ˜‰ Tea to drink.

For dessert around 7:15, I had a Brown Cow raspberry yogurt with fresh raspberries and honey. All I can say is DELICIOUS. I am a huge fan of Brown Cow’s consistency and taste.

And that, my friends, concludes my crazy day. Again, I hope I’m helping others out there with eating disordered behaviors by posting my meals every now and then, and I hope I’m helping people with bipolar disorder and/or panic disorder too. My little blog is a rather fun hobby, but I’m hoping that I’m ultimately helping others by posting on here. πŸ™‚

Until next time,

~ Mandy

Chest Day + Same Ol’ Same Ol’

Howdy there! How are you doing today? I swear I’m not going to post my meals *every single day* but I’m just trying to give people a view of what I’m eating right now. It’s pretty similar on most days, but I’m planning on expanding my repertoire of recipes this week, so stay tuned for reviews!


I started my day off with a banana and white chocolate PB. Coffee to drink, as usual!

I also had two scrambled eggs, three pieces of turkey bacon, and a slice of Ezekiel bread with I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter and triple berry jam a bit later.

After breakfast, I went to the gym and did the stair master for a while as well as worked on my quads and butt. The stair master SUCKS, y’all. I hate it with a passion. It’s boring but I did bring music. I did it low and slow and did two steps at once to work my butt.


I had a portion of rotisserie chicken for lunch along with roasted broccoli, carrots, and Brussels sprouts topped with Whataburger Creamy Pepper Sauce and a dab of hummus. Easy peasy.

After I ate lunch, my stomach blew up like a damn balloon, and I had to lay down for a minute … I took some anti-gas antacids and they did help, thank goodness.


Around 2:30, I decided to try a kombucha to soothe my tummy a bit.

Eventually I also snacked on an opal apple with Tajin Seasoning.

I also had some carrots and tomatoes with jalapeno ranch dressing … I was snacky today! πŸ™‚


I began to feel utterly defeated in the mood department, so we ended up going to the gym for chest day around 3 and stayed nearly an hour.Β  My mood was *so much better* after working out! Chest day is *hard* for me, but that’s one reason why I like it – it forces me to push myself and use those muscles that are so damn weak!After our workout, we ran a few errands, and I got me a diet Sprite to soothe my tummy (which was a little upset still).


I had leftover chicken and spaghetti squash with spaghetti sauce for dinner along with a piece of Ezekiel bread, some I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter, and roasted asparagus drizzled with jalapeno ranch dressing (the asparagus was my favorite component).

Yes, this is about what I usually eat in a day – I don’t count calories, so I’m not sure how much I’m consuming, but I’m consuming what *feels* right to me physically, a very drastic change in my life from ED activities such as obsessive calorie counting and restricting.

The important thing is that I’m looking and feeling SO MUCH BETTER than I ever have. If you’re fighting an eating disorder and/or mental issues, keep up the good fight! You CAN win the war!

Now I’m off to take a hot bath, watch Travel Channel, search out new recipes, and download some new workout music. πŸ™‚

Hope you had a great day!

~ Mandy

Arm Day + Kitty Shenanigans

Hello there! How are you doing today?

The three kitt lits were very busy this morning with banging and crashing … naturally when I got up, I found them in repose, no cares in the world, acting as if nothing had happened.


I had some hot banana pumpkin oatmeal for breakfast this morning, huzzah! I love me some oatmeal, y’all. My mix was about 1/2 C of Quaker Oats, 1 C of cashew milk, 1 tbsp chia seeds, a banana, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, and vanilla with pumpkin stirred in at the end. I added some chocolate protein granola and a spoonful of white chocolate PB as toppers. Yum, yum! This hearty and delicious breakfast made me resist the leftover pizza.

I felt great after breakfast, so I did a shit-ton of sit ups. I’m really trying to get my core looking stronger. I had a hysterectomy back in 2011, and along with my bad ED, my abs were completely shot. Now I’m feeling and seeing a difference for sure – my core is getting thicker and more muscular.

I must say that after years and years of being eating disordered, this is a HUGE change for my perspective about my body. My body is meant to be STRONG and thicker, not super skinny. It’s not an *easy* transition to watch as I’m used to seeing skin and bones, and yes, I still have thoughts that say “you’re getting fat” or “you should throw up your meal” … but I’m not giving into them! I’m so proud that I’m pushing past my ED behaviors and am seeing my body in a new, stronger light, slowly but surely.


I wanted some veggies today around noon, as usual, so I roasted broccoli, carrot, and Brussels sprouts with EVOO, S+P, and some garlic powder. I made a nice salad with some spinach and added a palmful of rotisserie turkey to the mix (Calliope tried to eat my turkey and managed to throw some on the floor – damn cat!). I topped my salad with some hummus, salsa, and Whataburger Jalapeno Ranch Dressing (it’s a guilty pleasure). This picture looks so messy and gigantic, but I promise it’s tasty and a good portion for me.


Around 3, I wanted an opal apple with Tajin Seasoning. Yummers.

Right after my snack, Luke wanted to go to the gym and do arms, so we did just that! Luke said my triceps and my butt are already looking better, so yay!

My arms were *so wobbly* after this workout …. like jello.

After our workout, I made a protein shake and split it with Luke – it had Protein One vanilla protein powder, strawberries, blueberries, milk, and ice in it.


Tonight I had half of a small spaghetti squash with spaghetti sauce, chicken, and two leftover bread sticks from Pizza Hut. The bread sticks really filled me up (and truth be told, not feeling all that great), so I ate about 1/4 of the spaghetti squash and chicken.

Now I’m watching Travel Channel and chilling with my hubs … hope you had a good day! πŸ™‚

~ Mandy

The Day Which Turned into a Sick Day

Howdy and Happy Saturday! I have a question – does this blog actually *help* anyone else struggling with eating disorders and/or bipolar disorder? I’m curious to see if anyone answers! I write here to share my own experiences, good and bad, and my one hope is that my musings here are helping someone else out there in this big ol’ world.

Here’s something new – I had my husband put our scale up in his safe for a while so I wouldn’t worry so much about my weight (I used to weigh daily). So far, it’s working! I’m not fretting so much over a silly number, so I’m very glad that I made that decision. I want to gain about 10 – 15 lbs of muscle weight, y’all, and I don’t want my old ED-behavior of weighing myself incessantly to surface while I’m doing so … it’s so much easier to not fret when I don’t have that damn scale around to upset me. I’m finding that I’m not worried about my weight going up without it, so huzzah!

Today turned out to the quite the interesting day regarding my stomach and nausea. I woke up feeling fine and even did sit ups. I ate well until after lunchtime, as you shall see, but then I got nausea and a terrible headache! But without further adieu, onto my eats for the day.


I started off my morning well with a small opal apple and a smear of white chocolate peanut butter with some coffee, stevia, and cashew milk. I needed something in my tummy around 7:15 a.m. so I snacked on something simple.

Around 8:30, I made my actual breakfast. I scrambled three brown eggs with S+P and about a tablespoon of sharp cheddar cheese, microwaved three pieces of turkey bacon, and toasted up some Ezekiel bread and spread it with some I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter and a bit of triple berry jam. I was craving protein, so protein I had!

Oh my, this was a tasty, hearty breakfast! Very filling! After that, I sipped on water with Strawberry Lemonade Crystal Light in it … O.M.G. y’all. Talk about a tasty way to get your water in – Crystal Light has zero calories but it tastes so bad for you!

I ate lunch around noon, and I was craving a nice salad with some roasted veggies. I roasted broccoli, a big carrot, half of a baby avocado, and some Brussels Sprouts with a bit of honey teriyaki marinade and then placed them on a bed of spinach and topped with about a palm sized portion of chicken breast. I drizzled a bit more honey teriyaki on top and enjoyed. I made it through the chicken and most of the veggies, but I left the avocado and the spinach … I was just super full!

I felt randomly nauseous about half an hour after lunch, so I took some Tums and drank more water. I had periods where I become nauseous after eating, and I’m not exactly sure why that is! I stayed in bed from about 12:30 to 3 and tried not to throw up. 😦

For obvious reasons, I didn’t get a workout in today – Luke had a school project where he needed to meet up with a group today also, plus it’s only 30 freezing degrees out, so poop. I did some sit ups this morning, so that counts for something, I suppose.


Around 3:30, I decided to test the waters of my stomach and tried a small mug of hot chicken broth and about 7 saltines.

No bueno. I went back to bed immediately after eating this snack.

Around 5, I tried a mango passion fruit kombucha to see if some probiotics wouldn’t help my stomach.

This particular brand of kombucha is new to me, and I’m really not a fan, but I drank it anyway in an attempt to make my tummy feel better.


I tried a Siggi’s coconut yogurt with honey and blueberries to start dinner. The yogurt actually did make my tummy feel a little better!

… and then this happened: Pizza Hut.

I ate a slice of pizza and two cheese sticks before deciding that I was full. I also had a Diet Sprite courtesy of my hubs.

Pizza isn’t something that I typically eat, but hey, it’s Saturday, I’m feeling shitty, and so we got pizza.

Now I’m off to take a hot bath and to watch The Dead Files on Travel Channel. Hope you’ve had a good day! I plan on hitting the gym tomorrow. πŸ™‚

~ Mandy



My Struggles with Seasonal Affective Disorder

Howdy, y’all! Long time, no post. I have a perfectly valid explanation for my absence – I’m struggling with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). It’s an issue that always plagues me from about January to March, and it really *stinks.*

So what happens to me during SAD? Well, lately I’ve physically felt run down. I’ve been going to bed much earlier than usual and sleeping in later. Sometimes I lay down during the day and just rest for about an hour too. Mentally, I haven’t been necessarily depressed, but my mind feels a bit cloudier than usual. Basically I feel like I was hit by a bus and am recovering.

What does this mean for my eating disordered behaviors and desire to gain muscle? Honestly, I’m not seeing a negative change in my eating but rather a positive one! I’m not living off fruits and veggies, as is typical for me (don’t get me wrong, I still eat a ton of those, but my portions are smaller, and I try to add much more protein now).

I’m currently taking Epigrow and Laxobolic for my muscle building, and my workouts are shorter – I go to the gym on most days with my hubs, and so far, so good. Yes, it’s a struggle sometimes to get out of bed and hit the gym, but I’ve been doing it, which is amazing-balls.

Today was leg day, and man oh man, my legs are tired! My abs are also sore from all of the sit ups I’ve been doing. πŸ˜‰

I’ve decided that I’d like to continue blogging – I may document my eats for fun tomorrow, just to see if I still enjoy doing it. I’m eating much more often, so I’ll probably have more pictures to share than usual.

Hope to see you tomorrow,

~ Mandy

A Fashion Show + A Touch of Mania

Howdy, howdy! How are you doing today? My belly button is still very tender from being pierced, but my nose is doing well (other than when I forget I have a new piercing and made a swipe at it!). I’m lovin’ my new piercings, y’all!


I made a big ol’ cup of banana pumpkin oats this morning at 7 a.m. – 1/3 C of Quaker Oats with a banana, milk, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, vanilla, and pumpkin stirred in at the end. Topped with protein granola, honey, and a spoonful of PB. Talk about yummy! I just love my pumpkin banana oats, y’all. SO GOOD. Coffee with stevia and cashew milk to drink.


By 9:30, I needed a snack since I ate breakfast so early, so I settled on salted celery with hummus and Sesame Ginger dressing.


Lunch was roasted broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, and red bell pepper with fiesta ranch and hummus.

I wanted something with protein and minerals, so I ate some leftover deer liver too.

I received some sale goodies from Free People and Anthropologie today, so I’ll share a pic of what I’m wearing today ~

I’m wearing the Free People We The People Fancy That Tee with the Anthropologie Chenille Cardigan in Black here … this damn cardigan is SO COMFORTABLE that it’s crazy! No wonder it sold out so quickly!

Here I’m wearing the Williamsburg Faux Suede Baseball Hat in Camel with the Antuanette Velvet Bolero

.. and here I’m wearing the versatile Cloud 9 Lace Maxi Top. I can wear this all year long with shorts or long pants. Suuuuuper cute!

I’m sending back two items which didn’t quite make the cut for me – the Gemma Printed Tunic (I cannot lift my arms up in this oddly-made garment, and it’s too short to be a tunic, IMO), and the Printed What a Babe Top (it was okay, but I have two other tops similar to this one which I like better because of longer torso length, so I’ll just get my money back on it).

I also ordered Free People’s Polka Tank in black and the Chambray Butterflies Midi Dress, so I’ll review those once they come. I’m also *considering* a new pair of All Birds Loungers in gray or black, but I’m unsure right now since I’ve ordered so much stuff …. think I’ll wait on those for a while as they’re always a good price, and All Birds never has sales.


I had my usual kombucha as a snack at 4 …

… andΒ I had my usual apple with Tajin Seasoning around 5.


I wasn’t particularly hungry for dinner, but I knew I needed to eat something, so I made a big mixed green salad with some dried cranberries, pecans, tomatoes, cucumbers, and red bell pepper topped with a (badly) fried egg and Pace Salsa. Sesame Ginger Dressing rounded it all out with a little S+P.

Mental Health

This morning, I was HYPER, y’all. Manic AF. I woke up at 5:45 a.m., I ran to the store by 7, I cleaned the house, I made food, I took a shower, all before 8 a.m. … mania is fun for me yet miserable. It’s a contradiction to describe. I get a shit ton done on my high, but I’m anxious, chatty, “zippy,” and jumpy. I finally calmed down around 10, thank goodness! I felt fine after that if not a little tired (I think my Xanax kicked in or something else).

Ok, so now I’m depressed as I’m typing this. I don’t know what happened, but I’m struggling with body image tonight. The struggle is real sometimes, y’all. I feel like this blog is stupid and that it does no good.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day,

~ Mandy