A Revival of Sorts

Well hello there! I do apologize for being MIA for the past few weeks – I haven’t been well mentally from having almost daily anxiety attacks which tend to last from 3 to 5 hours at a time.

In fact, I ruined our 6th anniversary … well, “ruined” isn’t perhaps the proper term, but I saw Dr. Jenkins on Friday the 20th, our anniversary date, and he switched me to Klonopin that very day … by the afternoon, I was high as a kite and slurring on my newfound Klonopin, and Luke quickly vetoed the idea of going out for sushi, as we had originally planned, because I was utterly out of it. Instead, we both thought it best to keep me in the apartment, and Luke ordered us Pizza Hut instead. Yes, we did hit up Fuddruckers the next day for a good bison burger, but I felt I basically ruined our anniversary, so boo. I’m lucky to have a man who loves me despite my struggles!

The switch to Klonopin has wrecked havoc on my sleep schedule to boot, but we’re keeping our fingers crossed that the med change will help my anxiety attacks. I literally have been waking up at 4:30 a.m. for my pill, so I’ve been attempting to make adjustments to the times I take my Klonopin. Right now I take it right when I get up and then around 6 in the evening. Jenkins will hopefully get me on a new sleeping medication tomorrow (he was out today).

Moving on – I’d like to have a “revival” of sorts with this blog since I’ve been away for so long. I’d like to keep moving forward with my health and my fitness as best I can – i.e. taking pictures of my meals and logging my exercise. I’ve gotten lax about my eating (I’m still around 135-137 lbs in spite of myself), and I haven’t felt like hitting the gym much recently either. I’d like to delve back into cutting, y’all, and doing weights often. My success story *definitely* looks like the diagram below, and I’ve been stuck in a loop and am ready to break free:I’d like to accomplish my goals, and I feel like blogging helps me keep my day straight (plus, let’s be honest, it’s a fun activity), so here we go!

Breakfast

This morning I made my version of steak and eggs – I baked some marinated deer tenderloin with a bit of BBQ sauce and topped it with two fried eggs. Mixed fruit on the side, coffee to drink. This breakfast was VERY filling, probably due to all of the protein. 🙂

After breakfast, I developed a nasty headache – I think it’s due to not sleeping well at all (I woke up again at 4:45). I took some ibuprofen and hoped for the best.

I kinda slunk around after that, trying to get rid of my headache. I rested my eyes and eventually took a shower (no makeup today or hair curling today, I just did a braid/bun).

Lunch

I wanted a salad for lunch, so I roasted some broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots and placed them on a bed of spinach. I added some Boar’s Head ham and mozzarella cheese with jalapeno ranch. Easy peasy lunch.

Snack #1

Around 2, I had a small honeycrisp apple with Tajin …

Workout

Today was leg day, and man oh man, my quads were on FIRE! I left the gym winded and wobbly. 😉 (Please forgive my no make up and crappy hair look, I just wasn’t feeling makeup today after my horrid sleep.) I lifted 260 lbs on the quad press, so I was pretty impressed with myself (usually I’m at 240).
Let me tell y’all, I felt AMAZING after working out, despite being wobbly and tired. It was wonderful getting a workout in. 🙂 I’ve missed it for the past week or so of not feeling well mentally, and I plan to really get back into it!

After our workout, I picked my car up from getting an oil change and inspection, and I CLEANED THAT SUCKER OUT and took it through a car wash. It was filthy!

Snack #2

Around 5, I needed a little something-something in my tummy, so I had some cucumber, cauliflower, and tomatoes with hummus and a bit of jalapeno ranch.

I also had a kombucha around 6.

Dinner

I made stuffed bell peppers earlier this week, so I had one for dinner tonight with extra salsa. Very tasty! I impressed myself. 😉

Alrighty, that’s what I got for tonight! Hope to see you soon!

~ Mandy 🙂

 

 

A Fashion Show + A Touch of Mania

Howdy, howdy! How are you doing today? My belly button is still very tender from being pierced, but my nose is doing well (other than when I forget I have a new piercing and made a swipe at it!). I’m lovin’ my new piercings, y’all!

Breakfast

I made a big ol’ cup of banana pumpkin oats this morning at 7 a.m. – 1/3 C of Quaker Oats with a banana, milk, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, vanilla, and pumpkin stirred in at the end. Topped with protein granola, honey, and a spoonful of PB. Talk about yummy! I just love my pumpkin banana oats, y’all. SO GOOD. Coffee with stevia and cashew milk to drink.

Snack

By 9:30, I needed a snack since I ate breakfast so early, so I settled on salted celery with hummus and Sesame Ginger dressing.

Lunch

Lunch was roasted broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, and red bell pepper with fiesta ranch and hummus.

I wanted something with protein and minerals, so I ate some leftover deer liver too.

I received some sale goodies from Free People and Anthropologie today, so I’ll share a pic of what I’m wearing today ~

I’m wearing the Free People We The People Fancy That Tee with the Anthropologie Chenille Cardigan in Black here … this damn cardigan is SO COMFORTABLE that it’s crazy! No wonder it sold out so quickly!

Here I’m wearing the Williamsburg Faux Suede Baseball Hat in Camel with the Antuanette Velvet Bolero

.. and here I’m wearing the versatile Cloud 9 Lace Maxi Top. I can wear this all year long with shorts or long pants. Suuuuuper cute!

I’m sending back two items which didn’t quite make the cut for me – the Gemma Printed Tunic (I cannot lift my arms up in this oddly-made garment, and it’s too short to be a tunic, IMO), and the Printed What a Babe Top (it was okay, but I have two other tops similar to this one which I like better because of longer torso length, so I’ll just get my money back on it).

I also ordered Free People’s Polka Tank in black and the Chambray Butterflies Midi Dress, so I’ll review those once they come. I’m also *considering* a new pair of All Birds Loungers in gray or black, but I’m unsure right now since I’ve ordered so much stuff …. think I’ll wait on those for a while as they’re always a good price, and All Birds never has sales.

Snack

I had my usual kombucha as a snack at 4 …

… and I had my usual apple with Tajin Seasoning around 5.

Dinner

I wasn’t particularly hungry for dinner, but I knew I needed to eat something, so I made a big mixed green salad with some dried cranberries, pecans, tomatoes, cucumbers, and red bell pepper topped with a (badly) fried egg and Pace Salsa. Sesame Ginger Dressing rounded it all out with a little S+P.

Mental Health

This morning, I was HYPER, y’all. Manic AF. I woke up at 5:45 a.m., I ran to the store by 7, I cleaned the house, I made food, I took a shower, all before 8 a.m. … mania is fun for me yet miserable. It’s a contradiction to describe. I get a shit ton done on my high, but I’m anxious, chatty, “zippy,” and jumpy. I finally calmed down around 10, thank goodness! I felt fine after that if not a little tired (I think my Xanax kicked in or something else).

Ok, so now I’m depressed as I’m typing this. I don’t know what happened, but I’m struggling with body image tonight. The struggle is real sometimes, y’all. I feel like this blog is stupid and that it does no good.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day,

~ Mandy

Pancakes + Piercings

Hey there! How are you doing today? I’ve been a little scattered today in the brain, but that’s okay – I’m dealing with it as it comes.

The kitt lits were busy stacking themselves on our TV stand today …

… and Drogo, satisfied from his small rat, was peeking out from underneath his water dish (he can barely squeeze himself under there now, he’s getting so fat).

Breakfast

This is obviously a reenactment of my breakfast – I ate before I remembered to snap a pic, but here ya go! I had a Maple Hill yogurt with strawberries and honey. Coffee with stevia and cashew milk to drink.

Lunch

Today I branched out for lunch and helped my husband make his mother’s lovely whole wheat banana pancakes. I had three pancakes with a bit of butter and pure maple syrup.

Here’s the recipe:

Katie’s Pancakes

Put into blender:

  • 1 C grain (we used whole wheat)
  • 1 1/3 C orange juice or water (we used OJ)

Blend until thoroughly ground.

While blender is still mixing, add:

  • 1 egg
  • Pinch of salt
  • Some honey or sweetener (we used honey)
  • 1 or 2 tablespoons of oil
  • 1 banana

After it is blended, while the blender is still mixing, add 1 heaping tbsp of baking powder. Turn the blender off immediately after baking powder gets sucked in and twirled. Wait and watch the batter rise to the top of the blender.

Pour into greased pan or griddle – flip when there are bubbles on top (we sprayed Pam on the cast iron skillet each time we added a new pancake, FYI). Enjoy!

I also had a small amount of roasted carrots and broccoli and a taste of celery with hummus and Fiesta ranch dressing to add some veg to my diet. Carb-y things like pancakes don’t keep me full but veg does.

After lunch and after running an errand with Luke, I decided to do something special – I went and got my naval pierced at our awesome local American Vengeance Tattoo! I also added on a nose piercing to boot! I wanted a nice change for myself, and while I’ve had my nose pierced before, I plan on keeping this hole from closing. 🙂 I’m in a chapter of my life, and this new year seemed like a great time to do a little something-something for myself since I don’t want another tattoo right now. Tonight my belly button is tender, but my nose is fine. It’s funny – the nose piercing hurt much more than the belly button, which I wasn’t expecting at all.

Snack

I had a ‘bucha …

… and a medium Ambrosia apple with Tajin Seasoning.

Dinner

I enjoyed a simple mixed super green salad with cucumbers, tomatoes, S+P,  Sesame Ginger Dressing, and some hot rotisserie chicken breast and a scoop of leftover liver, onions, bacon, and mushrooms for din-din. Easy peasy and so tasty! I added a bit of BBQ to the chicken after taking this pic, but no biggie.

Mental Health

I had a mini-anxiety attack this morning – my eyes crossed, but I was able to keep it together … I’m glad I’m back on Xanax because I think it truly does help me.

I called my nurse and requested that I take 1 mg extended release pill 4 times a day instead of 2 mg twice a day, and she okayed this request after talking to the nurse practitioner. My pharmacy prescribed it to me a little differently this go-around because I needed extra for my trip to Seattle, and I needed it immediately, and that’s the dosage they had available. I like this dosage better than 2 mg twice a day as I think it keeps me more stable.

I also called my dear mom and chatted with her for a bit; she helps keep my mind together when I talk to her – I don’t want to wake my sleeping husband when I have these attacks, and my mom and my sister are both very available to me, which is amazing. I’m so grateful for them.

Other than that, I was pretty stable today, so I count that as a win. 😉

Hope you’ve had a fabulous day – and please remember that ED recovery and mental stability *is* possible, but it takes time and experimentation to tailor a system which is right for you and no one else!

~ Mandy